The Programmer

[Marc Gilbert]

Hands, once steady,
shake above my hundredth keyboard —
Backspace, backspace, 
Damn it! Delete!

Everything I do is an abstraction:
Public voids and private declarations
bracket the scope of my intent.

The world outside
is white noise, a whisper 
in ears long trained
to seek silence
amidst distraction.
I draw blinds
to stifle the sun.

Indifferent,  
its cycles continue.
My shaky hands testify
to a finite state.

[indar]

My gosh Marc, could I mail you some cookies or something?

Backspace, backspace Damn it! Delete!--Nice cadence for the troops.

Its late, I'll come back to this---you get some rest. 

[Sharon Leigh]

Really liking this one, Marc. So much said. It was a bit like peering into what it is to be a programmer of course (like visiting Mars, for me) but also such a perfect vehicle for showing a shuttered heart. I like the active S1, it really works to start the piece. There's an instant weariness and frustration established. Love S2. Love : "Everything I do is an abstraction". Consider full stop there instead of colon? Adds punch imo. S3 is my fave. It's strong enough to end the poem, I really don't think you need the final S, it would end so beautifully here, stifling the sun.

Very much enjoyed, thanks for sharing it!

Best,
Sharon

[Marc Gilbert]

Sharon,

Thanks for the comments. I was afraid it may be too jargon-ridden to be effective. Your last stanza comment strikes me funny. Not because I disagree, but I do. This was built off of a four-liner:

The world is a white noise whisper
backdrop to the focused eye.
Tasks tenant my mind—
What chance has the sun?

I was forcing myself to expand - I agree, the last stanza should go. I lose the fun of including "finite state" another piece of jargon, but I think S1 captures the passage of time without the help.

Thanks again. 

[Marc Gilbert]

My gosh Marc, could I mail you some cookies or something?

Backspace, backspace Damn it! Delete!--Nice cadence for the troops.

Its late, I'll come back to this---you get some rest. 

Oooh, Cookies! Yes, please.

Thanks, Linda. 

[indar]

This may be the tale of the programmer but it is so much more. Sharon identified the pivotal line that speaks of disengagement from the world, natural and social. It doesn't matter if I, the reader, have no idea what some of the language means---that almost enhances the effect of this poem. I'm certain that a fellow programmer would read it differently and it would be equally effective in a different way for that reader. I'm not certain the last S doesn't add---I kind of like the indifference of the sun projected by the N.

[Marc Gilbert]

Thank you so much. That was what I hoped for. I would hope another programmer came away with just that. The jargon is gloss.

[David B]

—
Backspace, backspace, 
Damn it! Delete!

Everything I do is abstraction

The world outside
is white noise 
in ears long trained
to seek silence

Hi Marc, these parts jump out at me, not a suggested edit, just what I see.
 

[Marc Gilbert]

Thank you, David.