Neglect

[indar]

Neglect

 

My little black dog has a soft muzzle

like a horse's mouth--

nuzzling for something to eat.

I didn't know how to care for my horse.

 

My little black dog leans against me,

she wants her head rubbed,

I rub her head for all the parakeets, kittens

and the horse

I didn't know how to care for.

 

My oldest daughter, so uncertain in this world

cried at the bus stop 

did not want to go to school,

I would not listen to her reasons.

 

I make Vanya clean his hamster's cage

and Dennis change the cat box

as someone should have done with me.

How can I care for every needy thing,

or listen to every reason?.

 

I check the water in the dog dish

and rub Ursula's black head:

she leans against me.

[Sharon Leigh]

Love it indar, I can so relate! Am in a hurry, I will return to give better consideration here, just wanted to pop in and say I enjoyed

[Mark]

Tremblingly poignant but understated writing, Linda. The wealth of detail makes it easy to invest in this poem. My only nit is to look at the syntax of the last line in S4.

[Marc Gilbert]

I like this one very much. Love the progression. It works very well. I too stumble a bit at S4. Maybe removing,

as someone should have done with me.

Lovely relatable poem.

[Tracy Mitchell]

Impressive how you weave the theme through so much detail, so much of life. 
The bus stop confession gives great insight into the N's feelings.  
All of the pets form a pattern in N's remembrance.

 

[Sharon Leigh]

There is such a familiar mother-specific fear, guilt and worry woven throughout this. It's so softly and skillfully done that it isn't obtrusive. The title is heavy with importance; without it the piece loses a large part of its weight. Wonderfully wrought, great poeming.

Best,
Sharon

[indar]

Thanks Sharon,

I have delayed answering comments on my oh-too-numerous posts hoping some will sink from sight, fall over the edge, sail into the sunset. If I have not thanked you for comments on some of those others I thank you here

I made the same apology to Tracy elsewhere. 

Mother-guilt. Does it help to write about it?

 

[Matty11]

hi Indar

I played around with some options, but found I have no suggestions. The poem connects with its weight of self-judgement. The affection given at the end unburdens to some degree.

enjoyed

Phil

[indar]

Thanks Phil,

I have a question posted on BWF about ending with a preposition and how contorted some sentences get in service to correctness. I have written this piece in as simple a voice as I can get away with (ahem). Did you search for other options because of the repetition, the simplistic voice or incorrect grammar? 

Appreciate the read and comment

[indar]

Oh as long as this poem is back in first position, thank you Mark, Marc and Tracy for the read and comment