Visions

[indar]

Visions

The moon wrapped up in streetlights,
voices over an electric cord.
A green radio-eye glows.
Nighttime appearances--
my father shovels coal
into the furnace that
burns below my bed,
chunk, chunk, chunk,
his face rises up
outside my darkened window,
the fire burns inside his head.

[indar]

[Colm Roe]

I feel a real sense of malevolence here. The image of sleeping just above a furnace, especially one fed by the N's father, and the N seeing his face as he feeds it. 'Sub intelligent' caught me for a while; I assume it's not a negative, like subhuman; your meaning is 'nearly' or 'somewhat'...your way of telling us the N is very young. I can read two meanings. All the fears are just in the N's head, or there are real reasons to be fearful; I'm going for the former...or maybe that's wishful thinking. 
Either way, it's a damn good write.
 

[Matty11]

Visions

The moon wrapped up in streetlights,
voices over an electric cord.
A green radio-eye glows.
Nighttime appearances--
my father shovels coal
into the furnace that
burns below my bed,
chunk, chunk, chunk,
his face rises up
outside my darkened window,
the fire burns inside his head.

Just a thought: the opening felt like the conceptual frame rather than the poem. Devastating concluding line. The 'green eye' made me think of the War of the World's broadcast. Radio allowed for more imaginative fear.

best

Phil

[indar]

Thank you, Phil, you are so right. first bit----gone.

[indar]

Thanks Colm,

Yes malevolence. You caught on the first line; Phil suggested I get rid of it. Better?

[Colm Roe]

I love how the first two lines compliment and almost mirror each other. The moon (often associated with scary things) is made safe by the security of the streetlights. Then in L2 scary things can be sent directly, secretly via the security of the cord. Probably not explaining myself as well as I should 

[Dave]

Hey Indar
I enjoyed this a lot and yet think there is room for experimentation, at least for oneself if not as a revision proper.

There are one or two word adjustments I would suggest playing with and perhaps also the punctuation.
But first i would call the poem 'Nighttime Appearances' and drop that line from the poem. Visions is a bit vague and clichéd.

Second, it is hard for me (apparently only me)to see the moon wrapped up in streetlightS since the lights are hard and physical so I would suggest.

The moon wrapped in streetlight -

to somehow match the active voice of line 2 you might also consider
Street lights wrap up the moon,
a green-eyed radio glows.

Thirdly, you might shorten the next lines to remove the ugly 'that' at the end of the line and to remove burns as it reappears later to greater effect.

My father shovels coal
into the furnace 
below my bed, - it is possible to add a threatening modifier for the furnace such as growling/throbbing/fierce/lurking - I am sure you can find better words.

The last line of the poem is terrific.

Dave