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Goat Fall

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Tracy Mitchell
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Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 10:58 pm

Goat Fall

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Wed Feb 12, 2020 3:37 pm

.

           Goat Fall

I saw red goats plunge over the waterfall,
the heart-stop of my vision-walk.

I saw the brass morass of breastplates
protect pulmonary organs only–

I saw hills  tree-sparsed and water-riven,
dust clumping, ass-grabbing, 

and God herself could wonder 
if she were here 

looking for any other place
  at which
     to finally talk
        to another God – come to the top of the butte!

We still hold it sacred.  You use to come. . .
or was that your Auntee?

The frightful one.

As the days count themselves backward,
I approach Goat Fall. I want to proclaim
that I am Goat Fall -
Denim becomes the texture
my assumed cream-swirl hair flows toward,
and this is the last time I will consider
your doing this for me – next it will
be to me.   I believe.

The flair of a tiger’s nose is a house cat
lost in sleep in the back seat of a wheel-less
rusting Ford, dreaming of wilderness at large,
where bobcats hunt
the easy scraps of human discards
and SUV’s not yet on blocks
make the clouds.


 

indar
Posts: 1144
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:00 pm

Re: Goat Fall

Post by indar » Wed Feb 12, 2020 9:28 pm

What a vivid mixture of contrasts. The loneliness of the old holy ones, mystic vision, wildness against domestication, tree sparsed, water riven, trucks heading toward rust, gunking up the atmosphere with something we tend to think of as a good thing--clouds. I can't make anything of S2. but despite love the poem. Love the ambiguity, imagery and anything with a waterfall and goats. 

 

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Tracy Mitchell
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Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 10:58 pm

Re: Goat Fall

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Wed Feb 12, 2020 9:34 pm

Thank you for the read and comments, Indar.  I am glad that its ambiguity isn't entirely fatal, but I know I need to find a better sense of lucidity to this thread of poem.  

Cheers.

T

Tim J Brennan
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Joined: Mon Jan 22, 2018 7:59 pm

Re: Goat Fall

Post by Tim J Brennan » Sat Feb 15, 2020 10:27 pm

First line is boss. You had my attention and then got all wordy on me. I would skip immediately to S3 and S4 (no clue why "ass grabbing" is there) and then "she" showed up and I'm lost again.

When you focus on the physical, this is a poem that makes sense. When you wander off to talk about the philosophical (Auntee and the other god, for instance), I lose interest b/c I just don't know what's going on.

I like the last S, but again b/c you put me somewhere and let me see some things.

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Colm Roe
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Re: Goat Fall

Post by Colm Roe » Sun Feb 16, 2020 3:38 am

I started by assuming this started with N looking at a photo/picture.
But then I reminded myself who wrote it, so I stopped my assuming.
There's a mirage feel to it. Things are and aren't there...but mostly are!
It's all about perceptions or misconceptions.
And I believe every line is important...it's not a 'lose those few stanzas' poem.
The last S is the most accessible, and all the others are too, in their own way...I'm just trying to piece
them all together into my version of your version.
Every time I read it it tells me different things. I hope that wasn't intentional; if it was you're an even better
poet than I already thought!

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Tracy Mitchell
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Re: Goat Fall

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Sun Feb 16, 2020 3:38 pm

A few times a year I get caught up emotionally in some draft of what I think could be a 'big poem'.  I obsess, re-write, and obsess some more.  It feels like I am just 4 more swings of the pick-axe, or two more sticks of dynamite, away from hitting the mother-lode.  That feeling grows as the drafts mount.  But they never go anywhere, never mature and bear fruit, despite my insistence.  For the record, this is the 5th iteration of this poem. 

Thank you, Tim, for your observations.  I love the clarity with which you pinpoint where the poem's text goes off the rails.  It equips me for the next round of edits. :)

Colm, I appreciate your attempt at a more expansive reading.  It is clear that I need to put more. . . lucidity . . . into the narrative.  :)  

A next draft will be on the table shortly.

Thanks for the good feedback.

T

indar
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Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:00 pm

Re: Goat Fall

Post by indar » Sun Feb 16, 2020 4:41 pm

I tried to post a photo with comment but it went awry so never mind

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