Welcome to The Tangled Branch!  Join us.

Silence

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
Post Reply
User avatar
Archaic_Torso
Posts: 52
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2018 10:40 pm

Silence

Post by Archaic_Torso » Wed Nov 27, 2019 9:05 pm

Silence isn’t soundless. Lean in. Listen
to its awkward energy. That humming is an audience
in anticipation of your thoughts. Entertain them.
Anchor yourself in the acute soundtrack of bumps and bangs.
This is a rare moment when the world pauses
to acknowledge the space of you. Fill it.
Steady and slow. It won’t last long. 

And don’t be deterred by the bad thoughts.
The what-ifs and if-onlys. By those hurtful words
sounded without resonance.

Silence sings
the ballad of safety, counsel, action.
Listen.

Matty11
Posts: 409
Joined: Fri Jan 12, 2018 2:58 am

Re: Silence

Post by Matty11 » Fri Nov 29, 2019 7:07 am

Enjoyed this AT. The L1 imperative grabs the reader and the subsequent phrasing and reflection keeps the reader hooked.

best

Phil

Dave
Posts: 583
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 4:07 pm

Re: Silence

Post by Dave » Fri Nov 29, 2019 1:16 pm

To some extent I agree with Phil and to some extent not. I really liked the opening too - nice sensory language and good use of sounds with based around S and L.
But once beyond that opening the poem becomes increasingly telly and formulated around highly debatable statements. The final stanza is a bit simplistic and trite. I did not buy it at all. Too much is explained so that the actual poem loses out to the opinion.

However, as I said that opening set of lines gripped me. 

Nice to know though people's reactions can be different.

Dave
Posts: 583
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 4:07 pm

Re: Silence

Post by Dave » Fri Nov 29, 2019 1:19 pm

Oh and the last stanza is too bouncy and restless, too dynamic to really reflect silence.

User avatar
Colm Roe
Posts: 938
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 7:45 am

Re: Silence

Post by Colm Roe » Sat Nov 30, 2019 3:26 am

The poem exists in S1. And it's a rather good stanza. The finish can be easily tidied up.
My suggested edit would be something like this...

Silence isn’t soundless. Lean in, listen
it projects an awkward energy, and hums you
to become your own audience.
Embrace it,
anchor yourself to its soundtrack.
In these moments worlds pause
to acknowledge the space of you.
Fill them, steady and slow...
it won’t last. 

Take or leave. But it resonated, and I enjoyed the read.

 

Sharon Leigh
Posts: 205
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 11:07 am
Location: Midwest US

Re: Silence

Post by Sharon Leigh » Sun Dec 01, 2019 1:21 am

Fine poeming... as others have mentioned, I too feel your poem resides in S1, with S's 2 and 3 redundant, abstract & a tiny tad preachy (to me.) Stanza one struck me right off with its fine choice of line breaks, I read and re-read and it's honestly perfect as it is, imo. Much enjoyed, and I agree with its sentiment :) 
"This creature of the poem may assemble itself into a being with its own centrifugal force."-- Sharon Olds

Post Reply