Chronicles

[Tim J Brennan]

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[Marc Gilbert]

Enjoy this one a lot. No nits. I wonder if the Line "younger" adds anything, but it doesn't hurt. Great read.

[Tim J Brennan]

Enjoy this one a lot. No nits. I wonder if the Line "younger" adds anything, but it doesn't hurt. Great read.

No nits, I like, Marc. Thank you.

"Younger" goes more w/ following L, I guess. A nod toward someone who "thinks" their escapades worthy of memoir...but probably more in their minds.  

[indar]

One started writing

about that girl— 

wound up writing about God. 

(Don’t quit. Keep reading) 

A trip to Milwaukee Zoo: that was my childhood;

that and the night I spent with Janis

 under the field bleachers 

where I once saw Carnaby Street play. 

God, they were good.

The above is the poem to my reading. There was an excellent writer that once participated on MWC who identified some poem beginnings as "throat-clearing" OK as a way to get started but best done away with once the true poem is arrived at.

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[Tim J Brennan]

One started writing

about that girl— 

wound up writing about God. 

(Don’t quit. Keepreading) 

A trip to Milwaukee Zoo: that was my childhood;

that and the night I spent with Janis

 under the field bleachers 

where I once saw Carnaby Street play. 

God, they were good.

The above is the poem to my reading. There was an excellent writer that once participated on MWC who identified some poem beginnings as "throat-clearing" OK as a way to get started but best done away with once the true poem is arrived at.

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Am glad you're seeing a poem here somewhere, Indar.  That's encouraging to me.  It needs the idea of memoir to be successful though.  Thanks.  

Not sure I'm following the bottom part of your message??   Happy New Year.   
 

[Colm Roe]

Hi and HNY Tim,
I think this requires some minor editing.
Not fond of the line spacings, and L2 could be removed if the spacings were removed.
This reminded me of one of Aristotle's thoughts that you (if I remember correctly) cannot say a life was worthy or unworthy until it was over. Not exactly what you are saying....
I like the way the poem becomes real through the personal details in the latter lines.
Nice read. 

[Tim J Brennan]

Poem's all about the spacing, Colm. Thanks. L2 needs to be there.

Ari was probably right, but defeats the purpose of a memoir. It then becomes a Biography. Written by someone else, no less.  

[Colm Roe]

Are the spaces supposed to create longer pauses?

I am aware of the difference between a memoir and a biography; the point I was making was agreeing with you...that it should not be written/completed too early.

[Tim J Brennan]

Are the spaces supposed to create longer pauses?

I am aware of the difference between a memoir and a biography; the point I was making was agreeing with you...that it should not be written/completed too early.

If you remove L2, you could remove all the white space. I would prefer they both remain. 

Thanks for all your thoughts, Colm. I like it when someone makes me think about why I'm doing something. And even more about not doing something.

"nice read" comment means a lot.  

[Dave]

I enjoyed the ironic humour of the last lines. The aspect of memoirs was less interesting for me than how one might set up such ironic commentary. The first half was too opinionated and serious for the 'joke' to work really well. As for memoirs, it all depends for me on how interesting the life is or was not the age.