A Portrait

[avwhis6466]

If I could dip my feet into you
I’d run your colors all around,
paint the town with my size 8s
as I dance the Charleston
down Main Street.
Dance dance dance myself
like a Whirling Dervish
in the Sama of the Sufis,
turning endlessly about
the axis of my big toe,
body becoming centrifuge
flinging truth all over the walls.
Over and over the colors bleed and blend,
bear witness the metamorphosis,
I am the milky white the moon
spinning out seduction as I dance
the supernatural in the beauty
of your blooming darkness.

[indar]

Hi Anna,

This forum has been slow lately thanks to the NaPo challenge during the month of April. We will revive I'm certain. 

This poem of yours is right up my alley--it has a celebratory flair. I like the cadence and your use of repetition is very effective.

I appreciate your contributions here.

[avwhis6466]

Hi Anna,

This forum has been slow lately thanks to the NaPo challenge during the month of April. We will revive I'm certain. 

This poem of yours is right up my alley--it has a celebratory flair. I like the cadence and your use of repetition is very effective.

I appreciate your contributions here.

Thanks, Indar. I was wondering where everyone went! Lol. I somehow missed the memo on NaPo but I look forward to this thread picking back up again and reading more poems, yours included!

[Colm Roe]

Hi Anna,
This is interesting.
Once again I'm seeing double. One is the N totally immersed in a work of art.
The other (I think is your intention because of the title) is an N besotted with the person
in the painting. There's a subtle eroticism, and I love the way you 'show' the N's ecstatic joy with 'big toe axis', 
three small words that create such a fabulous image in my mind.
An excellent poem.  

[lshmael]

Hello Anna, this is a very creative and charming poem. You contrast the emotional undertones in the poem with wonderful effect. Its like a friend that knows how to tease.

[avwhis6466]

Thanks Colm and Ishmael for your feedback and enthusiasm!

[Tracy Mitchell]

Hi Anna -- 

Wonderful poem – it has the best first line I’ve read in a long time!  It captures the reader and sets the tone so well.

Despite the free-verse style, the poem has a pleasant cadence which fades in and out.  The reading picks up speed with the mix of iambs and anapests.  This is a fun poem to read out loud.

The vowel repeats also enhance the reading of this poem, for example in S.1 – around/town, paint/8's/main, and ending with feet/street.  I like the attention to this detail.

S.2 L.7 – just thought – “flinging truth all over the walls” >> spatter truth against. . . .

S.3 L.1 & 2:  

Over and over the colors bleed and blend,
bear witness the metamorphosis,

How about:

Again the colors bleed and blend
in witness to a metamorphosis

I love the ending.  The title works very well, too.

Very nice writing, thanks for posting.

T