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Driving in Winter

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
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avwhis6466
Posts: 51
Joined: Mon Feb 19, 2018 7:41 am

Driving in Winter

Post by avwhis6466 » Tue Apr 10, 2018 8:44 am

A drop of black ink
trailing a line north to south
down the barren page
Last edited by avwhis6466 on Tue Apr 10, 2018 11:47 am, edited 2 times in total.

indar
Posts: 3107
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:00 am

Re: Driving in Winter

Post by indar » Tue Apr 10, 2018 11:37 am

A drop of black ink
trailing a line north-south 
down the barren page

Nice. If you change "north-south" to "north to south" you would have the 7 syllables needed for a Haiku. Not necessary of course---just saying---

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avwhis6466
Posts: 51
Joined: Mon Feb 19, 2018 7:41 am

Re: Driving in Winter

Post by avwhis6466 » Tue Apr 10, 2018 11:45 am

Thanks, Indar. Originally had another word in that line and forgot to adjust the rest after the removal to make 7. Thanks for pointing it out!

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Tom
Posts: 258
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 9:09 pm

Re: Driving in Winter

Post by Tom » Thu May 10, 2018 5:33 pm

Love this -- I don't understand haiku, though I was once certain that I did.  This poem has such a light yet deft touch I am now certain that I do not.  Wonderful work.  It makes one want to ponder.

T

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