The Last Crusade

[Eric Ashford]

Most of his mature life
had been a process of recoiling
and mending.

Until late
he had not suspected
that this prolonged retreat
had been his lot.

He thought he was building bricks,
constructing a living edifice
while in realty he was engaged
in an epic dismantling.

He thought he had made inroads,
woven together great journeys,
drawing to himself many pathways
toward a destination or purpose.

Yet of late, he felt
that his life had been a slow withdrawing,
a giving way
disguised as steps forward.

Despite this new understanding
he sensed a strange vindication,
as if it were more noble to give way
and draw back.

The battle at last lost,
the surrender acknowledged;

today he whistles a tune
that the thorn bushes sing
when a homeless wind
rattles through them.

[bruise]

Really like the last stanza. And the rest was interesting enough to get me there! 

[Eric Ashford]

Thanks for the read Bruise, its appreciated.

[TrevorConway]

Hi Eric,

Like Bruise, I enjoyed the last verse. It has a lovely tone/phrasing about it. Up till then, though, I was very disengaged. There's a lack of detail. It all felt very overviewy to me. I wanted to know what battle was being referred to, what was being dismantled, how he was withdrawing/from what. A lot more detail is needed for this poem to succeed, I think, especially at its current length.

All the best,

Trev

[Dave]

Hey Eric
I am afraid I am with Trvor on this one. I feel I learnt next to nothing about the person and the vague details provided don't seem to add up to an interesting person. The last stanza is a poem for itself but disconnects to the rest for me.

Dave
 

[Mark]

It has an autobiographical base feel to it - but perhaps hesitantly so, hence the 3rd person distancing and vagueness. In any event, there is a maturity of realization that seems to generally coincide with an acceptance of approaching mortality. Or immortality if you will. The last S could be a standalone quad   but in the context of my take on the poem, it feels like an escape hatch for personality and is therefore something of a cop-out to avoid revealing or confronting some deeper, looming truth.

 

[indar]

Twice in this write readers are told that the subject has come to some realization about his life. We are left to wonder about the specifics of his withdrawal but there are plenty of real-life examples that might apply: one might think one is standing on principle but is, in fact, stubbornly shutting oneself off from possibilities. Or one might think one is following the old saying that discretion is the better part of valor and goes in a completely opposite direction i.e. caving in to external pressures.

It's an intriguing write but I find myself wanting more of the specifics and a little less repetition of seemingly abstract statements about the subjects life.