What is the Sound of an Elder Talking

[indar]

What is the Sound of an Elder Talking?

 

I keep a big flower pot

full of curly parsley

growing outside my kitchen window

so I can make tabouli salad

at a moment's notice;

 

I know when to cut back my roses;

I've been to East LA 

where cottage yards flourish with colorful flowers

and crack dealers

stand confidently on corners;

 

I caught a thirty eight pound rock cod

at a depth of 300 feet

just off the continental shelf-- 

it's eyes popped out 

from the pressure change

when I pulled it up;

 

I climbed the 551 steps 

to the cupola of St. Peters Basilica

and all the while

did my best to keep the plight of the infirm

in mind as suggested by a posted sign;

 

I read Rollo May's Power and Innocence;

marched across the Washington Avenue

bridge during the anti-war movement

past the place where poet John Berryman

gave up his fight against  drinking

and jumped;

 

floated on wild breakers at sunset

off the shore of Puerto Vallarta

while a typhoon blew further out;

rode an old plow horse

alongside the wheat field
of a farm in North Dakota;

 

I make phone calls to my congressman

and never miss a vote even during mid-terms;

I am a member of the silent generation

born during the second war to end all wars;

my generation has always been thought

 

to have nothing much to say..

[Jameson Stone]

Linda,

I like it. I get the sense of a lifetime of living in just a few short stanzas. Very nicely done. Each stanza creating that feeling as a whole. And then the very end, capping off with that one bit of sadness. As I grow older myself, I find myself identifying with that. One line, tracks the entire poem. I like this one very much.

Jameson

[Dave]

Indar,
An impressive life and an impression poem. It builds to a satisfying whole and still manages to give something to everyone in the variation of the stanzas and stories. Neatly and economically written with an empathetic voice.
Dave

[Tracy Mitchell]

I like this very much, Linda.  Such a breadth of experiences described (yet I estimate not quite scratching the surface).  

Each of the stanzas is a self-contained gem.  I love the opening - the curly parsley ready whenever the N is ready.   The confident flowers and crack dealers -- nice image.  The fish eyes popping and the N trying to keep in mind the infirm. 

Just a few nibbles at S.5 & S.6 for what you might consider:


I marched against the war
across the Washington Avenue Bridge
where John Berryman gave up the fight
against drink; and I read cover to cover 
Rollo May's Power and Innocence;

I floated on breakers at sunset
off the shoreline of Puerto Vallarta
while a typhoon blew further out;
rode a plow horse alongside 
a North Dakota wheat field
as July turned to August;

The structure of sentences spliced with semi-colons is creative and effective.  Some may not like it, I am an not one of those.

The closing fits so well with the tone of the poem - so well balanced, paced.

Did I say evocative?

T

[Tim J Brennan]

This is great.

Wouldn't mind the question being dropped from the title.  "The Sounds of an Elder Talking" or something like this.  Just a thought...

Really like the semi-colon usage to connect everything.  S/C's are the misunderstood punctuation...the black sheep of the grammar world.  Scares folks, so they shy away from using it. I like it here. 

"when I pulled it up" sounds awkward to me.  Must be a more poetical way to say this.

I like the precision of the rose cuttings.  Not everyone knows how to take care of roses.  Establishes the authoritative voice well. Listen to this person...she knows things.

Much here to admire.  Needs some smoothing of wrinkles, methinks, especially on the end lines.  (already mentioned + e.g. (along side the wheat fields / of North Dakota) for instance.  Others.   

[indar]

Thank you to everyone who commented,

First let me state that despite my very mature age I still am subject to poor impulse control---I writes it--I posts it. Then I fiddle with it over a period of days. I am trying to emulate Tracy who takes FOREVER to post his stuff and there is seldom a wrong word so I have been working on the second of three companion pieces to go with this one for two whole days. Trying to decide if I should post separately or not.

Thank you Jameson for being the first to comment--not always easy.

Dave I always appreciate your feedback, thanks for your kind comments

Tracy I am going to change some lines as per your suggestions TODAY. I want to keep the declaration that I've read Rollo May as the first line because his writing kind of informs the healthy power of affirmative action and the sad contrast re/Berryman exercising the only power he had left--that of taking his own life. Thanks for insightful suggestions.

Tim 

I posed the question in the title to suggest the question "what is the sound of one hand clapping?" I thought to introduce the idea that the N (thinly disguised) often feels unheard because of her age and is indeed from what is known as "the silent generation" . Maybe it doesn't work. Thank you so much for pointing out my intention in referencing the cutting time for roses. I had to relearn a lot about gardening when I moved from MN to CA

[Mark]

Quite a canvas. On one level there is a sense of detachment that made this reader wonder how you feel about being part of the silent generation. Thanks to the internet, much has been exposed as a shell game of idolatry and hypocrisy. Yet one clings to the myths, don't we?