Superior Beings
People from places like Nebraska
save their money all year
to pay for gas and a motel room;
someone to sit the cat; collect their mail
so they can escape winter
for two precious weeks. We know
who they are--the ones
that stumble up and down the beach;
stunned faces turned to the sun.
Sometimes they are so pathetic
we poke one another and laugh;
go to the Tin Fish by the pier;
eat mahi mahi tacos and remind ourselves
we live here.
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Superior Beings
Re: Superior Beings
Hi Indar,
I read it that their knowledge is based on the fact they came from Nebraska themselves. Hence the details. Maybe you could punctuate the second sentence in the same manner as the first - using the semi-colon rather than comma or perhaps use a dash.
Either way the write was alive with reality.
Muchly enjoyed
Phil
I read it that their knowledge is based on the fact they came from Nebraska themselves. Hence the details. Maybe you could punctuate the second sentence in the same manner as the first - using the semi-colon rather than comma or perhaps use a dash.
Either way the write was alive with reality.
Muchly enjoyed
Phil
Re: Superior Beings
Thank you so much for the read and kind comments Phil. Punctuation noted.
Yes, Nebraska or some other such place where winter becomes life-threatening
Yes, Nebraska or some other such place where winter becomes life-threatening
Re: Superior Beings
I think your full-stop has done what was needed!People from places like Nebraska
save their money all year
to pay for gas and a motel room;
someone to sit the cat; collect their mail
so they can escape winter
for two precious weeks. We know
who they are--the ones
that stumble up and down the beach
stunned faces turned to the sun.
Sometimes they are so pathetic
we poke one another and laugh,
go to the Tin Fish by the pier,
eat mahi mahi tacos and remind ourselves
we live here.
Re: Superior Beings
I refer all members to your version immediately above. I tried to edit the punctuation earlier and lost the whole poem--had to re-create it. Thanks Phil 
Re: Superior Beings
Nice read indy.
I read it more like we are all from somewhere else, or have lost our local identities.
It's a critique on the very human condition of elitism...we are always better than 'them'.
All we need is something to divide us, I was going to say a river...but a stream will do; then
we can make disparaging remarks about those people on the other side. I assume it's a tribal/defence
instinct; but it ill behoves us to apply such illogical logic
I like the way in the first half the author is sympathetically aware of the sacrifices (and needs) of the tourists.
Then he/she resorts (PTP) to ridiculing them. This shows the irony so well...a clever little poem.
I read it more like we are all from somewhere else, or have lost our local identities.
It's a critique on the very human condition of elitism...we are always better than 'them'.
All we need is something to divide us, I was going to say a river...but a stream will do; then
we can make disparaging remarks about those people on the other side. I assume it's a tribal/defence
instinct; but it ill behoves us to apply such illogical logic
I like the way in the first half the author is sympathetically aware of the sacrifices (and needs) of the tourists.
Then he/she resorts (PTP) to ridiculing them. This shows the irony so well...a clever little poem.
Re: Superior Beings
Thanks Colm,
You are an astute reader
You are an astute reader
Re: Superior Beings
Indar
I enjoyed this and or but see 3 distinct poems weaved into 1:
The first part details the efforts people from Nebraska make to escape their daily grind. Their lives are modest and show some elements of collective empathy. They save their money and I presume look after each other's cats and collect each other's mail. One little hint is seeded in line one of the kind of prejudice that comes later: 'places like that' shows a a lack of interest of the N in the detail. What is a place like Nebraska?
In part 2 the tone becomes harsher and superior: stumble up and down the beach, stunned faces, pathetic, the laughing at them. Here it is the N that is unlikeable and exclusive.
The perceived supiority lasts into the 3rd part with the tachos (Is this food indigenous to the resort?) But there is a final kicker in the last line that wins back some sympathy and provides a third element invasive element to the story.
Interesting
I enjoyed this and or but see 3 distinct poems weaved into 1:
The first part details the efforts people from Nebraska make to escape their daily grind. Their lives are modest and show some elements of collective empathy. They save their money and I presume look after each other's cats and collect each other's mail. One little hint is seeded in line one of the kind of prejudice that comes later: 'places like that' shows a a lack of interest of the N in the detail. What is a place like Nebraska?
In part 2 the tone becomes harsher and superior: stumble up and down the beach, stunned faces, pathetic, the laughing at them. Here it is the N that is unlikeable and exclusive.
The perceived supiority lasts into the 3rd part with the tachos (Is this food indigenous to the resort?) But there is a final kicker in the last line that wins back some sympathy and provides a third element invasive element to the story.
Interesting
Re: Superior Beings
Thanks Dave,
One question I would have thought a reader would ask is: how does the narrator know so much about the vacationers on the beach?
I would say the first part of this piece is a matter more of projection rather than the empathy I guess it seems to suggest. Not certain how I can fix that.
Food vendors near the pier are most likely operating carts and wagons. Tacos are a typical street food in CA . But mahi mahi represents something "upscale" in the N's mind rather than the usual dab of ground beef loaded with onion and filler. Plus the name has an added advantage of sounding like a taunt: nonner nonner nonner.
Thanks so much for your read and comments
One question I would have thought a reader would ask is: how does the narrator know so much about the vacationers on the beach?
I would say the first part of this piece is a matter more of projection rather than the empathy I guess it seems to suggest. Not certain how I can fix that.
Food vendors near the pier are most likely operating carts and wagons. Tacos are a typical street food in CA . But mahi mahi represents something "upscale" in the N's mind rather than the usual dab of ground beef loaded with onion and filler. Plus the name has an added advantage of sounding like a taunt: nonner nonner nonner.
Thanks so much for your read and comments
Re: Superior Beings
'One question I would have thought a reader would ask is: how does the narrator know so much about the vacationers on the beach?'
I can think of two without further explanation.
What's said can be read as the N's assumption. We all look at people and make assumptions based on flimsy information like accents, the cars they drive,
car registeration plates, items inside a car, the music they play etc.
My preferred option would be that the N was originally 'one of them', moved up in the world and renounced his past.
IMO if there is a little ambiguity it improves the poem by creating intrigue and more depth.
I can think of two without further explanation.
What's said can be read as the N's assumption. We all look at people and make assumptions based on flimsy information like accents, the cars they drive,
car registeration plates, items inside a car, the music they play etc.
My preferred option would be that the N was originally 'one of them', moved up in the world and renounced his past.
IMO if there is a little ambiguity it improves the poem by creating intrigue and more depth.