West of Ireland

[Colm Roe]

Thank you Dave.
Now you've put me in two minds; I like both opening stanzas.
I wonder if you'd hold the same opinion about the edited S if you'd never read the first version?
That's a question that can't be answered now.
As I've said before, I struggle with edits. When I'm finished with a poem here (or when on MWC) it's retired.
Occasionally I'm required to recite a poem or two to an audience (just a club I'm in); I look at my collection, of what I thought were all gems, and realise they ain't as good or polished as I thought they were, and the edits begin in earnest.
Actually thinking about it my edits are probably more to assist clarity/absorption. We have time here to fathom the depths of others poetry. 
Anywho, glad you liked it.

indar, 'fabulouser'    
 

[Tracy Mitchell]

Good comments about revisions, Colm. 

I know had I read S. Version 2 first, I would have said don't touch it.  I very much like the V.1 opening.  After I read them both several more times, I am settled on V.1, without the first line:


Tracing the Wild Atlantic Way,
we drive with one aim
we drive West 

and stop when instructed by the ocean
or jagged rocks,
eventually pulled back by other tides 
or just pause, stunned by sunset.
. . . .

The reason I come to this conclusion is that this is the strongest opening, as the poem is not lessened by the loss of the mileage count, and it retains the line "we drive with one aim" - which is so enticing.  I also love the original title over the second one.  

All of the versions are really wonderful.  And if you feel I might be simply converting the opening to my ear, i couldn't argue.  

There are so many strong lines in this poem, what a pleasure.

T

[Matty11]

Tracing the Wild Atlantic Way,

I agree with Tracy on that opening option. Either way enjoyed both poems.

best

matty

[Colm Roe]

Thanks Tracy and Matty for your comments and appreciation.
There are so many ways to edit a poem, no doubt someone will come up with an algorithm for the best one...that'll be a sad day. 
 

[Tracy Mitchell]

Nooooooooooo-- it is the province and delight of the author, though occasionally stressing.

[Colm Roe]

'Delight'...nooooooooooooooooooooo I hate it. 
When are you going to visit the West of Ireland, now that you have all that free time?...Oh, I forgot, you're spending it all editing your poems 

[Tracy Mitchell]

Too funny, C. 

For the little I travel, I have actually visited the West of Ireland.  Marvelous, but I would need to whack a bunch of destinations off my list before I consider repeats.  Next planned trip is for groceries and beer. After that, who knows?  

[Colm Roe]

Looks like it'll be a possible meet in the afterlife so T 
I suggested (and got no traction) on 'another' site for people to post dates/locations when/where they'll be travelling. 
I think it would be fab to meet some (maybe all) of you guys, and I'm sure our paths do cross occasionally. And I promise to leave the axe at home. 
If I ever win the Lotto I'll pay for a Founder Members meetup in Havana.
I got 5 numbers twice...6 is only a matter of time. (Hopefully not monkeys and typewriters time)
 

[Tracy Mitchell]

That would be something!  Why Havana?  I had the opportunity to be there a year ago.  

And BTW - I see you (finally) have an avatar -- and what an avatar it is!  That a random story or are you involved in any aspect?

T
 

[Colm Roe]

No involvement.
I think it's one of the funniest articles I've ever read/seen. What a way to piss someone off