~
Collapsed on the Trail
I am invisible
like a black pancake
made thin – frisbee thin,
great to buzz treetops,
or to launch from a promontory.
An organic odor wafts through
an upland meadow – I am here
by choice – I see animals in the rocks.
A granite wolf calls upward.
A dandelion with a kerchief looks down.
Wild lupines host for a moment
a red-belted bumble bee.
Aspen whiffs and I
occupy
the updrafts.
~
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Collapsed on the Trail
Re: Collapsed on the Trail
Hi Tracy
Great to have you back here again after so long and with a poem and a quirky one at that. Forever finding arresting images and wording that stands out, even if I am not sure at times what exactly is being described. I particuarly like the second half of the poem from the granite wolf since first half seemed a little bit more like a puzzle or challenge with the 'I' so up front like that. Nevertheless engaging and confident writing as always.
Dave
Great to have you back here again after so long and with a poem and a quirky one at that. Forever finding arresting images and wording that stands out, even if I am not sure at times what exactly is being described. I particuarly like the second half of the poem from the granite wolf since first half seemed a little bit more like a puzzle or challenge with the 'I' so up front like that. Nevertheless engaging and confident writing as always.
Dave
Re: Collapsed on the Trail
Hi Tracy, I googled black pancake
The definition of Black Pancake is when a black male presses his scrotum up against a window
What were you doing up there in the woods
For me S1 is a prostration before Nature, the N reminded of his insignificance, or accepting it.
The rest is just a (rather lovely) celebration.
The last S reinforces S1.
Loved it.
The definition of Black Pancake is when a black male presses his scrotum up against a window
What were you doing up there in the woods
For me S1 is a prostration before Nature, the N reminded of his insignificance, or accepting it.
The rest is just a (rather lovely) celebration.
The last S reinforces S1.
Loved it.
- Tracy Mitchell
- Posts: 3451
- Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:58 pm
Re: Collapsed on the Trail
JFC!! I had no idea of that sense for 'black pancake'. Definitely not my intention to reference or incorporate.
Thanks Colm.
T
Thanks Colm.
T
Re: Collapsed on the Trail
I had to google in case it was an Americanism I wasn't familiar with.
I have to admit it gave me a good laugh
If a white man did it would it be called 'white pancake' or just 'pancake'?
Exit stage left all gravitas associated with the poem
Apologies Tracy.
I have to admit it gave me a good laugh
If a white man did it would it be called 'white pancake' or just 'pancake'?
Exit stage left all gravitas associated with the poem
Apologies Tracy.
- Tracy Mitchell
- Posts: 3451
- Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:58 pm
Re: Collapsed on the Trail
Love it Colm -- good to be back.
Earlier drafts had invisible pancakes, clear pancakes -- it was the instigational image. But I suppose like any good batch of nail soup, the nail needs to finally come out. You and Dave both suggest as much, in your own ways.
And keep your pancake . . . nevermind.
Cheers.
T
Earlier drafts had invisible pancakes, clear pancakes -- it was the instigational image. But I suppose like any good batch of nail soup, the nail needs to finally come out. You and Dave both suggest as much, in your own ways.
And keep your pancake . . . nevermind.
Cheers.
T
Re: Collapsed on the Trail
Nice to see the aspens back Tracy! A lot of indefinite article in the middle of the poem, but you did convey a sense of place, which I muchly enjoyed.
best
Phil
That's a great statement to pin a poem...and a life.I am here by choice
best
Phil
- Tracy Mitchell
- Posts: 3451
- Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:58 pm
Re: Collapsed on the Trail
Hi Matty --
Yes, the indefinite articles. There are a lot aren't there? I thought by their use I was bringing out the chance element, but I didn't realize how deep the pile of them had become.
There will be a re-write of this one, perhaps remedial edits may be taken. +
Thanks your your comments.
T
Yes, the indefinite articles. There are a lot aren't there? I thought by their use I was bringing out the chance element, but I didn't realize how deep the pile of them had become.
There will be a re-write of this one, perhaps remedial edits may be taken. +
Thanks your your comments.
T