Neptune on a Wednesday

Post by **Colm Roe** » Mon Jan 15, 2018 7:41 pm

Did you kiss him?

Post by **Sharon Leigh** » Mon Jan 15, 2018 7:46 pm

Thats another poem

Naw, just, the interesting thing (to me anyway) about it was, it was just this maybe 10-min conversation 30+ years ago and I still remember it/him in vivid color in my minds eye. And just had to try to capture that I guess. Too much expo on my poem now!

Mark · Post by **Mark** » Tue Jan 16, 2018 6:40 am

First class poeming. Wonderful flow and imagery thanks to the interweaving of original language. Is fair isle a play on words?

Post by **Sharon Leigh** » Tue Jan 16, 2018 1:33 pm

Thank you Mark. No, I meant the sweater technique, but if it works in other ways, hey

Appreciate your looking in!

Best,
Sharon

Post by **Colm Roe** » Wed Jan 17, 2018 8:19 pm

Sharon Leigh wrote: ↑
Mon Jan 15, 2018 6:51 pm
Ha, Colm! Really it was an attempt to paint an old memory. Maybe I laid it on too thick

Thanks for looking in

Best,
S

No, you laid it well, got the balance right. You reminded me of what all those hundreds of girls must have been thinking about their lost chances with me

It's good.

Mark · Post by **Mark** » Fri Jan 19, 2018 12:53 am

Beautiful. Re-reading this I get such a sense of time and place, lovely control. I am quite taken with this poem.

Post by **Amie** » Fri Jan 19, 2018 9:22 am

This is really lovely. It's hard to critique, when each word seems to be so carefully chosen.

I did jar a little at "peach", but I think I see what you're getting at (I think it jars for me because people are often described as having "peach" complexions, but in reality peach would be a very unnatural skin colour. So it's sort of common and uncommon / impossible at the same time)

The only other word was "chamois". I was trying to imagine was chamois skin would be like. Very soft and weather-beaten. I guess that's possible... it doesn't create a ready image for me.

Otherwise, loved it. Beautiful read aloud.

Post by **Sharon Leigh** » Fri Jan 19, 2018 10:43 am

Thanks Colm, and Mark, for re-reading, and for your comments here

(& C, I'm sure they were!)

Amie, Hi! Thanks for looking in. Yes, peach isn't a natural skin tone of course, I think as I was initially drafting this it was like an impressionistic painting in my mind, then as it evolved it kind of departed from that and came into focus. Some of these choices are left over from that, but I'm not convinced they still work. I'll be thinking on what may work better in those areas. Thanks again so much! I appreciate it

Best,
Sharon

Post by **Tracy Mitchell** » Sun Jan 21, 2018 10:36 am

Excellent poeming - no nits from me.

Dave · Post by **Dave** » Mon Jan 22, 2018 7:35 am

Sharon
You don't need me to tell you that this is fabulous.
Dave

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