Synopsis

[indar]

Synopsis

 

I read James Michener's Hawaii

five times. From my northern climes

I went to live there--five times

I lived the history of those islands.

 

First volcanos and bare rock.

Birds blew in on typhoons

and seeds blew in and grew

 

and a people followed the great shark

who led them

and New England missionaries

followed their calling

 

and laborers from starving villages 

in China and land-starved peoples

from Japan were brought in

to work fields of pineapples

and sugar cane

 

and all together the island became

a land of what Michener called

the Golden Race.

And Hawaii became America.

[Tracy Mitchell]

I read Michener's Hawaii and that was something.  A burble a mile beneath the surface of the Pacific, and 80 pages later, an island.  The man knows how to research, and how to pack every protozoan tidbit of research into his novels.  But I only read it once. 

I like the poem more than the ending.  The first four stanzas are vivid, descriptive. The fifth feels like an overt 'summary and conclusion'.  Not sure what to suggest in that regard.

S.2- Could one of the occurrences of 'blew' be replaced with 'flew'?  

The poem takes me back to my one trip there.  Thanks for the remembrance.

T

 

[indar]

The fifth feels like an overt 'summary and conclusion'.  Not sure what to suggest in that regard.

Too heavy-handed political comment?

Thanks Tracy for the read and comment

[Dave]

Hi Indar
I ahve never read Hawaii but remember all those historical myth making books of the 70s and 80s. Well written and maybe well meaning but trying too hard to be epic. The last stanza does indeed end with a bit of a whimper perhaps because Hawaii became America as opposed to American sounds wrong and the reiteration that it was Michener who made this claim provides the reader with a sort of take it or leave attitude, like 'Oh did he say that'. A stronger sense of your voice - this writer's voice would give the poem more bite.
Dave
 

[indar]

Thanks Dave and again Tracy

hmmmm I see what you two are saying--I think. I didn't mean to say Michener said "and Hawaii became America" I meant that Hawaii's story is that of America's in microcosm. People came from Bora bora, European immigrants to America came, in turn, to Hawaii and then followed the people from Asian countries and intermarriage produced that "golden race" (think valuable). I meant that history as a commentary on the current struggle over immigration here on the mainland. 

[Sharon Leigh]

Hi indar, enjoyed this. Especially love "Birds blew in on typhoons". I'm not sure the run-on sentence from S2 to close is helping anything, it (to me) is unnecessarily distracting, couldn't help being aware of all those "and"s & the lack of punctuation through the body. I understand what you were going for, a kind of breathless, tale-telling tone, but I'm not sure it needs it. Just my 2 cents of course, take Or toss

Best always,
Sharon