This Is Not An Elegy
At 14 I questioned everything.
Everything never answered.
At 19 I watched my life blow away
like an old barn
in a hurricane,
graceless and immediate.
At 30 I knew
exactly who I was;
mother times two
preacher’s wife
mother’s daughter
Daddy’s half-orphaned child.
If I only made sense
in relation to others
it was sense enough.
50 came quicker than expected.
Children grown and relocated,
preacher dead and gone,
orphaned on all fronts.
Let the floundering begin.
Marry again
in haste.
Move a time or two.
Smile
until my heart goes numb.
I never saw 60 coming.
Everything boomeranged
bringing every answer
I never knew
I didn’t want.
Today it is Now O’clock
and I am here,
a weary patchwork
of stars and poetry
held together by mis-
matched thread
frayed edges and dreams
that have seen
better days.
Today
I know everything
and she’s a bitch.