The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

I have been trying as very often to paste a poem into a page without success - the page simply refuses to put the text in as I want so it has to stay this way for the moment, sorry)

Close to,
rivulets lap, 
overlap into waves;

from far 
a charcoal sea
rises to an ocean . 

Atop that  expanse, 
a boat mid-flight.
Refugees hunker, 
backs turned to us
they cling to the crest.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            
flee from frame to frame,                                                                                                                                                                                     while trapped in the laws of expectation;                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          their plight affronts all humanity,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

Hey Dave,

Love the idea and your evocative description. I have a clear image in my mind of the painting.

I know you’re having trouble with the formatting so some of these things may be related to copying, pasting, etc.:

1) “tiny rivulets pap and overlap” — I stumbled on the word pap
2) “from way back, a charcoal back sea rises” — assuming the double use of back was unintentional
3) the height comparatives, I like the idea, but the bus seems arbitrary.
4) I’m not great with grammar, but maybe “onto” instead of “on to” in L9.

The ending is lovely. And I like the double meaning of the title — the subjects are seeking refuge, but painting is for the viewer also a refuge.

Very nice.

So love paintings and the process of becoming one with them. I can sense your passion for this one. "...refuge" is a nice touch in the title and relates the urgency for me.  

One of my favorite Night Gallery episodes is about a Nazi guard who escapes persecution and sits in front of a painting about a fisherman and "wills" himself into the painting.  Long story short, his cover gets blown and he escapes into the darkened museum at night and wills himself into the painting to escape, only it turns out the painting had been replaced by one of a cruxifixction and he is "sucked" into that one instead.  

http://www.tv.com/shows/night-gallery/t ... te-253665/

But I regress...

I like some of your phrases (e.g. "higher than fear" / "laws of expectation").  Very good. 

We stand "on dry ground"...not so much.  

For being so short, this packs a nice punch.   "Too beautiful for truth" has an almost John Keats-ish touch to it.  A painting rather than an urn.

Would like to see this in its proper format.   

An ekphrastic poem, is that what this is?  Very well done.

An affront to humanity, too beautiful for truth -- awesome lines.  

The poem brings it all to life.

I too am waiting to see it in its intended format.
T

Oh Dave---I can't tell you how much I love this poem. It doesn't actually matter to the truth of the content but I would love to know if you reference an actual painting and if so ---which? 

I love the comparison of the wave heights to the concrete things we can relate to --that we've all stood next to: a bus, a house and then the tip-off that we are about to enter a different realm--that of fear and a desperation that goes beyond fear.

Twice the waves are compared to the hardness of coal with the boat poised on top---fixed eternally at the moment of greatest peril and every refugee is alone and anonymous. This poem works as a real-world comment on the plight of many populations trying to escape intolerable conditions but on another level it speaks of the human condition. I took classes in ethical leadership co-taught by theologians at St. Catherines and faculty from a well-known Leadership Institute. They talked about a study in which scholars etc. tried to identify which traits great leaders hold in common. They concluded that a sense of the tragedy of being human was the single unifying thing. 

Thank you so much for this poem

I have been slow to reply sorry. There have been so many good comments starting with 2 obvious printing errors pap should be lap and back should be black. Have to think about the bus as i get the criticism. The picture is by robert longo and he did it in charcoal but it looks like a photo. An extraordinary image that distresses and is beautiful in equal measure as it shows refugees in a boat and in great peril. Cant recommend his work enough. Thanks tim and indar for such kindness and tracy among other things for a word i did not know