The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

Pam worked two jobs to pay
a mortgage; she raised six children
and planted a rose garden.
Her husband kept racing pigeons;
he gambled while the rain gutters
overflowed with weeds.

The bank takes the house.
Family helps carry furniture out,
dig up roses, take down curtains;
they drink milky tea, eat biscuits,
put off Pam's grief.

When the work is done
Pam says thank you and makes
one last pot of tea, forgetting
someone has taken the cups away.
 

Beautiful, David.  Succinct, well told.  There are small gems embedded, waiting for the reader - like the rain gutters overflowing with . . . weeds.  

So good!  And the line endings are so well crafted, the poem really flows.  

Each stanza starts with a lean, clean enticing line.  Not easy to make poeming look so easy.

The first stanza in past tense sets the scene nicely for the present tense narration to follow.  Last stanza says it all.  Love this poem.

Love the title, too.

Thanks for posting!

T

the rain gutters
overflowed with weeds.

Great image. However, the rose garden is more familiar. Like the use of makesy

best

Phil

Nothing here, but appreciation for a good read. Can't say enough good things about the close of the poem.
 

If this was mine I'd do it this way.
It's a very quick edit, use or ignore as you see fit.
Some nice lines either way, thanks for posting.

Pam worked two jobs to pay a mortgage;
raised six children
and planted a rose garden.
Her husband kept racing pigeons;
gambled while rain gutters
overflowed with weeds.

The bank foreclosed.
Her family helped, carried furniture,
dug up roses, took down curtains.
They comforted Pam
with milky tea with biscuits,

When the work was done
Pam made them one last pot,
forgetting
someone has taken the cups away.

Pam worked two jobs to pay
a mortgage; she raised six children
and planted a rose garden.
Her husband kept racing pigeons;
he gambled while the rain gutters
overflowed with weeds.

The bank takes the house.
Family help carry furniture out,
dig up roses, take down curtains;
they drink milky tea, eat biscuits,
put off Pam's grief.

When the work is done
Pam says thank you and makes
one last pot of tea, forgetting
someone has taken the cups away.
  
This really is a spot-on examination of process addiction and the horrible effect it has on others caught in the trap. My heart breaks reading it. The subtle clues to how Pam manages beyond the two jobs--milky tea suggesting she skimped on the tea to stretch it. And then in her distraction makes that second, unusable pot. Everything is precious--there will be no replacing it so the roses and the curtains go with. I want to gather Pam in my arms and tell her things will get better. 

The bank takes the house.
Family help carry furniture out,

Grammar isn't a strong point with me---should it be "family helps" or "family members help"<--unweidy.

I don'y need to tell you I love this one.
 

Thanks Indar, for spotting the mistake, ''family help'' should be ''family helps'' I originally wrote ''we help'' and when I made the change to ''family'' forgot to change ''help''.