What It's Like

[Tim J Brennan]

The sight of an imperfect person
makes a voyeur of the best of us.

What you’d like to know is how 
does it feel and when did you first
know you were alive and are some
days worse than others?

You don’t ask because it’s hell to live 
with answers every minute of every day.

That’s when the other shoe falls, 
before the little chat with the doctor
when he says, no, things will get worse
before they get better—
do you have a living will?

And you leave and the day is glorious:
people are smiling and the imperfect
in front of you don’t look 
like they are dying, not that you’d know.

There’s no need for what it’s like anymore,
like is only a word, a know-nothing word at that.

Buses and trains will continue to run, 
people will board them, depart and have
places to go—

days ahead will continue 
to be fine.

[Colm Roe]

I enjoyed this.
If you decide to change anything I'd focus on S2 and S3. 
This poem reminds me of the first time I felt real grief, it was for myself.
It was that moment I really thought about what would happen when I died, or more to the point, after I died.
It was that (and it shouldn't have been) shocking realisation that life would go about its merry way...as if I never existed.
The world didn't revolve around me after all 
Nearly as shocking as it must have been for the Vatican to be told that the Universe didn't revolve around the Earth 
Anywho, I like the way you construct your poems, and like this one very much.
 

[Tim J Brennan]

I enjoyed this.
If you decide to change anything I'd focus on S2 and S3. 
This poem reminds me of the first time I felt real grief, it was for myself.
It was that moment I really thought about what would happen when I died, or more to the point, after I died.
It was that (and it shouldn't have been) shocking realisation that life would go about its merry way...as if I never existed.
The world didn't revolve around me after all 
Nearly as shocking as it must have been for the Vatican to be told that the Universe didn't revolve around the Earth 
Anywho, I like the way you construct your poems, and like this one very much.

Not sure it's on the same plane as a Vatican shock, Colm, but glad there are things here that got you thinking.  Thanks.  Maybe something a bit more specific in S2 & S3?  Not sure what you're pointing to....I'm thinking I could almost edit them completely and just go directly to "the other shoe"....

Thoughts?

[Tracy Mitchell]

I too like this poem very much. 
The depth of your narrative style is very becoming for presentation of this stream of thought.
The N now experiences what s/he only imagined the feelings to be.  Very powerful.

S.6 is almost an aside tossed to the audience, and yet is the deep breath slowly let out - it makes the poem.

S.5 - consider replacing 'gorgeous' with 'glorious'?  The thought is the 'L' would better echo the other proximate 'l's -- 
 living will / leave / people / smiling / look / like / like / like.

JMO.

Cheers.

T
 

[Tim J Brennan]

I too like this poem very much. 
The depth of your narrative style is very becoming for presentation of this stream of thought.
The N now experiences what s/he only imagined the feelings to be.  Very powerful.

S.6 is almost an aside tossed to the audience, and yet is the deep breath slowly let out - it makes the poem.

S.5 - consider replacing 'gorgeous' with 'glorious'?  The thought is the 'L' would better echo the other proximate 'l's -- 
 living will / leave / people / smiling / look / like / like / like.

JMO.

Cheers.

T
 

I like "glorious"...

Glad things are working here, Tracy.  Thanks...
 

[indar]

I love this poem. The N has lived long enough to realize his/her vulnerability. I like the ambiguity of the conversation with the dr. Things will get worse---better---living will

There is, I believe a sudden acquisition of wisdom that turns on this statement:

people are smiling and the imperfect
in front of you don’t look 
like they are dying, not that you’d know.

There’s no need for what it’s like anymore,
like is only a word, a no-nothing word at that.

No need for "like" anymore-- (do you mean no-nothing or know nothing?)  I'm not certain why this seems so insightful--maybe because the time has come for discontinuing the life-learning process having to do with the things of this world. An entirely different dimension has just opened up to the N.

Insightful throughout actually. Let me say it again, I greatly appreciate this poem

[Tim J Brennan]

I love this poem. The N has lived long enough to realize his/her vulnerability. I like the ambiguity of the conversation with the dr. Things will get worse---better---living will

There is, I believe a sudden acquisition of wisdom that turns on this statement:

people are smiling and the imperfect
in front of you don’t look 
like they are dying, not that you’d know.There’s no need for what it’s like anymore,like is only a word, a no-nothing word at that.

No need for "like" anymore-- (do you mean no-nothing or know nothing?)  I'm not certain why this seems so insightful--maybe because the time has come for discontinuing the life-learning process having to do with the things of this world. An entirely different dimension has just opened up to the N.

Insightful throughout actually. Let me say it again, I greatly appreciate this poem

know nothing, for sure. Thanks.

I am humbled by your comments. Not sure about the "wisdom" of this piece, but I appreciate your comments. Very much. I admit I am a pretty good observer and some (most) of what I see, I don't have a clue. So I write about it. 

[Marc Gilbert]

Tim,

What an effective and powerful poem. No nits here. It connects the personal and universal seamlessly. To call it a pleasure to read would be wrong. It's not a pleasant poem, but it made me think, and reflect, and definitely touched a nerve.

Thank you for posting it.

Marc

[Tim J Brennan]

Tim,

What an effective and powerful poem. No nits here. It connects the personal and universal seamlessly. To call it a pleasure to read would be wrong. It's not a pleasant poem, but it made me think, and reflect, and definitely touched a nerve.

Thank you for posting it.

Marc

Marc,

Thank you for your thoughts here.

Tim
 

[Matty11]

I enjoyed the read too Tim. I did wonder about some of the end line emphasis in S2, particularly some, but after several reads I felt the voice works. Since, you make a point about like later, maybe need or want would be an option in L3.

best

Phil