General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
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Bev
- Posts: 8
- Joined: Sun Jan 21, 2018 4:19 am
- Location: Vietnam
Post
by Bev » Mon Jan 22, 2018 10:03 pm
This was my experience living in South Korea. It was a new experience for me, having grown up in a coastal sub-tropical city.
The Arrival of Winter
Winter skeletons stand stark
against nature’s grey palette
only remnants remain of sultry summer.
Autumn’s ambient accents
were but an accident,
an avalanche of colour
so quickly superceded
by spindly skeletons,
beckoning grim reapings,
of
Winter’s Wasteland
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Sharon Leigh
- Posts: 452
- Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 4:07 am
- Location: Midwest US
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by Sharon Leigh » Tue Jan 23, 2018 12:49 am
Beautifully painted. You have a natural ear. Just my opinion but you don't even need the final 2 lines, "of" and "Winter's Wasteland" , ends perfectly at "reapings", in this reader's view, anyway
Wonderful first post, thanks for sharing!
Best,
Sharon
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midnightcandle
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Sun Jan 14, 2018 9:57 pm
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by midnightcandle » Tue Jan 23, 2018 3:31 am
Agree with Sharon re the ending. Wonderful picture you paint Bev.
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Mark
- Posts: 588
- Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 4:19 am
Post
by Mark » Tue Jan 23, 2018 6:32 am
Nicely portrayed. S1 is quite powerful in its way. An enjoyable read and a respectable first outing. Critically, you sail almost too close to the wind with the alliteration but it does work. I agree with Sharon and Daryl about the ending and would reconsider the centre alignment and italics.