The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

On the neighbor’s porch:
dead geraniums, water-stained
cardboard, a rusted chime

some moldy clementines,
one 40 watt porch light

boxspring, a leaning stack 
of Sports Illustrated & National
Geographic & Playboy & Mad
magazines, a Vienna bread bag

two cordless phones, oily rags,
a stand-up ashtray

and in the background, beyond
the white picket fence, the far
neighbor’s goddamn clothesline
with the entire family’s underwear
collection flapping in the breeze.

What a charming and engaging list poem. I love the inclusions- clementines and Mad magazine. And of course the neighbors' family underwear collection.

Small matter - I hung up for a moment S.2 L.2 - it feels like 'overhead' needs to come later in the phrase.  Just a thought.

Love the poem, Tim.

& Welcome.

T

Tracy Mitchell wrote: ↑

Mon Jan 22, 2018 2:59 pm

Small matter - I hung up for a moment S.2 L.2 - it feels like 'overhead' needs to come later in the phrase.  Just a thought.

 

I guess all lights would be "overhead"...I edited a bit.  Maybe?  

440 watt is a nice touch.

You up there near Baudette then?

Course not they don't eat clementines.

Wonderful imagery and a good sense of the N's state of mind inferred from the things he or she is festering about.

Tom wrote: ↑

Mon Jan 22, 2018 4:13 pm

440 watt is a nice touch.

Only 40 watt, Tom. Trying to infer the drabness.  

indar wrote: ↑

Mon Jan 22, 2018 4:32 pm

You up there near Baudette then?

Course not they don't eat clementines.

Wonderful imagery and a good sense of the N's state of mind inferred from the things he or she is festering about.

Love the clementines inference, indar. Funny.  But you are right, not Baudette. Thanks for your thoughts.

Love this. So easily pictured I assume it's drawn from real life. Sharply observed, and loving the build-up: the final S a gem!

Best,
Sharon

Sharon Leigh wrote: ↑

Tue Jan 23, 2018 12:26 am

Love this. So easily pictured I assume it's drawn from real life. Sharply observed, and loving the build-up: the final S a gem!

Best,
Sharon

Thanks, Sharon. Might have "embellished" the porch a bit, but, yes, for the most part, it is our neighborhood from my childhood.  

beyond
the pristine picket fence

I wonder if the very effective dead/stained/rusted/moldy images could be a set-up for an ambition to resist the decay? Glimpse an alternative narrative to neighbourhood life (the white hints this, but perhaps foreground?)

best

Phil