spires

[Dave]

.

[Tracy Mitchell]

Good sentiment, could use some more line endings.

T

[indar]

https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/text/pro ... oetic-form

Hi DAve ,

I think this works as a prose poem. The format gives it a breathless quality and I appreciate the risk-taking

Fabulous sonics and rhythm. It definitely takes several readings to absorb the richness of the language spilled out in such a torrent. And I love the pre-age-of-reason sentiment. I get the impression this poem wrote itself.

[Dave]

Hi and thanks for the comments. Sometthing went wrong in the format. Will change.
Dave
 

[Tracy Mitchell]

I thought that was the case - thus my cavalier comment.
I look forward to your getting the way you want.

T

[indar]

Hmmph--never mind.

[Sharon Leigh]

Dave, what a feast of sonics! Almost a tongue twister aloud

The coldness is palpable here and I like the breath as incense. L5 a bit over-modified, you could lose "viscose" and strengthen the line imo. (Sp "viscous" if you choose to keep it?)

Thanks for sharing!

Best,
Sharon

[Mark]

Strong write. Dense but crafted - I look forward to the re-formatted version. Thanks for posting, Dave.

[Marc Gilbert]

Dave,

Really a treat to read aloud. No nits from me. Is this a rework of an earlier poem? It reminds of one I thought was yours.  Just curious.

Cheers,

Marc