and stricken I will fall
but falling is a fate
that will surely strike us all.
(I thought we need a 4 liner
)Welcome to The Tangled Branch! Join us.
Stricken
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Marc Gilbert
- Posts: 145
- Joined: Sat Jan 06, 2018 7:02 am
- Location: Chicago, USA
- Contact:
Stricken
It strikes me that I’m stricken
and stricken I will fall
but falling is a fate
that will surely strike us all.
(I thought we need a 4 liner )
and stricken I will fall
but falling is a fate
that will surely strike us all.
(I thought we need a 4 liner
)
Last edited by Marc Gilbert on Sun Jan 21, 2018 8:38 am, edited 2 times in total.
"Poetry is not speech raised to the level of music, but music brought down to the level of speech." - Paul Valery
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Sharon Leigh
- Posts: 450
- Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 4:07 am
- Location: Midwest US
Re: Stricken
Hee! 
We did need a 4 liner come to think of it!
We did need a 4 liner come to think of it!
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Tracy Mitchell
- Posts: 3473
- Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:58 pm
Re: Stricken
Clever lines.
Can the first line absorb another syllable?
It reads easier for me as :
It strikes me that I'm stricken
or
It strikes that I am stricken
But perhaps you don't want the iambs.
just asking.
Cheers.
T
Can the first line absorb another syllable?
It reads easier for me as :
It strikes me that I'm stricken
or
It strikes that I am stricken
But perhaps you don't want the iambs.
just asking.
Cheers.
T
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Marc Gilbert
- Posts: 145
- Joined: Sat Jan 06, 2018 7:02 am
- Location: Chicago, USA
- Contact:
Re: Stricken
Tracy Mitchell wrote: ↑Sun Jan 21, 2018 8:19 amClever lines.
Can the first line absorb another syllable?
It reads easier for me as :
It strikes me that I'm stricken
or
It strikes that I am stricken
But perhaps you don't want the iambs.
just asking.
Cheers.
T
I thought the "me" was there.
Thanks for the spot!"Poetry is not speech raised to the level of music, but music brought down to the level of speech." - Paul Valery
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Tracy Mitchell
- Posts: 3473
- Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:58 pm
Re: Stricken
Sometimes me is there, sometimes not.