The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

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Start at the end. Begin where the mess smells,
work backward in large strokes. Put your elbow
into it. Decrease, recede. Pull color into bristles once again,

soak the ocher, umber of the last text
bitter into turpentine. Scrub, repeat.
Aspirate the last kiss, swirling red, don't watch.

Spin your vinyls in reverse, if you have them.
Stare down the sun.

Imagine Jupiter. Take a bath. Organize the
box of Alpha-bits. Get your eyebrows threaded,
feed a tortoise. Thin and thinner, til
you are a neutron star, streaming.

Cool stuff!

I love the closing line. putting on my critics hat it's more subtle in sound that I'm used to from reading your work. Not a bad thing, just something I noticed. But since by inclination, I'd turn every poem into a damn nursery rhyme, take that with a huge grain of salt.

Nice poeming (the f'n auto-correct has turned that into "opening 5 times).

It's a pleasure that you're here. I love reading your work.

Thank you so much, Marc, I appreciate the eyes (ears?) on this. I likely should have posted it in ICU, since I feel it has good bones but is quite rough around the edges, disjointed. Though, I reached intentionally for a bit of disjointment (is that a word? It is now.) to convey continued detachment, but run the risk of losing its vehicle. Idk. Needs a bit of polish, at any rate.

Much appreciate your looking in!

Best,
Sharon

Start at the end. Begin where the mess smells,
work backward in large strokes. Put your elbow
into it. Decrease, recede. Pull color into bristles once again,

soak the ocher, umber of the last text
bitter into turpentine. Scrub, repeat.
Aspirate the last kiss, swirling red, don't watch.

Spin your vinyls in reverse, if you have them.
Stare down the sun.

Imagine Jupiter. Take a bath. Organize the
box of Alpha-bits. Get your eyebrows threaded,
feed a tortoise. Thin and thinner, til
you are a neutron star, streaming.

Every bit of this conjures up some image/sensation. My overall impression---re-envisioning how to live starting where things began to go wrong. Yes! ocher and umber (especially the raw kind) are acidic.

I well remember when one of the Beatles albums came out (Abbey Road perhaps) rumor had it Paul was dead and one hint was if you played the vinyl backward the words were clear "Paul is dead" Love this reverse of that message, learning to live joyously.

And what a fabulous ending! spend life, burn it up, rejoin the cosmos---oh do I sound like an old hippie?

I could read this again and again (and I have) and keep seeing different things. 
Just read Tim Peake's book, he was asked if he could smell space (fab question), I was expecting him to say 'no'.
But it does...it smells burnt! Your first line reminded me of this.
Nice read. 

Love the title. Strong writing, the narrative seems to escalate like a gentle trip of some kind. Nice layers and texture here, a really cool read.   

Thank you Colm, and...burnt?! Well I suppose it makes sense but, that's wild. Fascinating

Thanks also, Mark, for looking in and for your comments here

Best,
Sharon