The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

Six o'clock and dark out,
soup in the pot--steams windows,
smoked turkey, black-eyed pea
cooks down thick.

Time to taste.
Close bistro stripes kitchen curtains
so neighbors can't see in.
Dip the spoon and blow.

Yum.

Perhaps more salt,
dip the spoon again, and again.
Why not? boiling salty broth
sterilizes.

Yum! Now I really want some. This poem is a delectable little bite, perfect in its moment of comfort and safety. The flavors practically waft from the page. (screen?) I like your liberal use of 's' sounds throughout, just right for the simmering subject. Funny to close the curtains so neighbors won't see any double dipping!  Enjoyed

Indar-- 

This poem, like hearty bean soup, is ample and welcome winter fare.  I feel warmed and comforted for the reading.  

Lot of pregnant line endings to play with.  Or perhaps I am chronically bedeviled with imagined  enjambment issues.  Be that as it may, here’s what I suggest you consider as alternative lineation for the close of the poem:
    
Perhaps more salt,
dip the spoon again
and again.

Why not? boiling 
salty broth
sterilizes.

I agree with Sharon's comments about the wonderful "s" sounds.

Thanks for posting.

Cheers.

T

 

Great to have you back Indar. I liked most of this. I am agnostic when it comes to words like yum in poems and think Tracy has suggested some good changes to line breaks. I do wonder that the curtains need to be closed. Seems quite alien to the world i live in. But there it is.

Hi Linda

I trust you are well. This is a hearty little warm-up piece. 

I struggled a little with the ordering of S1. I thought something like:

Smoked turkey & black-eyed pea soup
cooks down thick, steams windows.
Six o'clock and dark out, time to taste.

Nice to see you.

 

Thank you all for too-kind comments and great suggestions. Dave, as to your questioning of why it is necessary to close the curtains before the triple dip--there is the matter of neighborhood potluck birthday parties and such. Of course in that case I would NEVER!

Here it is, with all suggestions included and greatly improved:

Smoked turkey and black-eyed pea soup
cooks down thick, steams windows.
Six o'clock and dark out, time to taste.

Close the curtains first
so neighbors can't see in.
behind the multi-color bistro stripes
Dip the spoon and blow.

Oh that's good.

Perhaps more salt?
Dip the spoon again
and again.
Why not? boiling
salty broth
sterilizes.

X-cellent revision! 

Funny, Linda, even though you said "so the neighbors can't see in," you put me so firmly in the steaming kitchen that I imagined my life there. So I spent the rest of the poem wondering whether I closed the curtains so my grandmother wouldn't see me triple dipping, or so my neighbors now wouldn't wonder why I didn't ask them in.

Really luscious poem!

Jackie