The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

The Greyhound reels over creaking axles.
Northern Kentucky puts on weight in summer,
a green mélange thickens,
yet inside our trundling tube,
joints rattle,
gears burn through paunch and muscle.

We lurch over a crest down into a holler
An old Shaker Hymn booms across the radio:
When we find ourselves in a place just right
'Twill be in the valley of love and light.

I have often longed to be 'in a place just right,'
to be at ease in these bucking bones,
even when breathing this smother
of body odor and diesel.

At a wooden store advertising cold beers
we stop.
Is this the right place? I ask.
It’s as close as we get, says the driver.

~~~~~~


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RPUjuraS5U

Nice! 

The bus and N's body merge with the same descriptions. Effective twist at the conclusion.
Yes-- as close as we get.



 

Thank you Tracy. I often ponder the words of that old Shaker Hymn.

I enjoyed the poem a lot including discovering what a holler is - new to me. Nice mix of bus and human images.
 I would suggest losing the dip down into the valley since this repeats the lurch down into the holler and is so relevant to the ending, which is great.
 

Hi Dave, thank you for this close read. You are so right, that line is unnecessary and so have stuck it out.
Good spot. Cheers.

Enjoyed the journey Eric, taking the ordinary, but giving it resonance. Noticed a few edits, posting/format niggles? Or something you feel not quite right about the poem?

Phil

Hi Phil, I'm always fiddling with my stuff, sometimes for years! Glad you liked the read. Best EA

So what concerns did you have with the poem Eric?
I ask because I can learn from a poet's choices.

best

Phil

Really nice read, Eric. Love (or should I say, I'm chemically attracted to ) L2 and 3. You open well, close brilliantly, and the middle ain't too shabby either.
Thoroughly enjoyed it.

Yes! Lovely sense of place and ennui
Excellent!