Facing Home

[TrevorConway]

They pulse like jewels, these faces
 among the throng of the rambla,
faces cut from the same fabric
as a man of Cork or Connemara. 

Their sickly skin and heavy noses
– the way their flesh is draped on bone –
makes of them brothers, schoolfriends, uncles
for just a moment, and they’re gone.

How can I not think of sailors
trading goods on the Galway shore,
the swell of vessels, a great exchange
of more than what these men came for?
 
Faces bubble with latent muscle,
a stew of stories spilling over
years and lands – these Spanish looks
pass with all their complex flavour.
 
And who has no history?
Even a thousand miles from home,
you’re made of the same material,
and all streets are woven from stone.
 
History is barely more than distance,
blurring to clarity the vast, imagined
picture of who we are,
but we are made of finer fabric.
  

[Matty11]

Hi Trev
Love rambla and the rhyme you work with it. Pity about the sickly skin, but S2L2 was great. I feel complex is not so evocative. Perhaps you could weave a culinary term in there?

best

Phil

[Dave]

I enjoyed most of this, though it took me a few reads to really get into its geography. Love the descriptions of the faces and the broader strokes of the last two stanzas.
The only issues I would have are S1 line 3 - cliché, especially since it always seems to be reserved only for people from places like Connemara and the last line which is awkward and does not rhyme - I guess on purpose. The But makes the reader stumble and the we seems to be a different one from the line before for some reason and for me at least not entirely clear. Maybe it is just me but it breaks to tine of the piece.

Good write though all round.
 

[TrevorConway]

Thanks, Dave and Phil. Some very useful feedback there, things that didn't occur to me. Good to get it.

Trev

[Colm Roe]

Do they really have sickly skin and heavy noses? Sallow maybe, where there's still a hint of Spanish in them. And while we use that word, I don't think it's meant to suggest an unhealthy look.
Anywho, I enjoyed the read, especially the last few stanzas.

[TrevorConway]

Cheers, Colm. Sickly to indicate just pale. Maybe it's too much.

Thanks,

Trev

[Eric Ashford]

Hi Trevor this has the bones of a great poem. I also stumbled over 'pulsing jewels' and 'sickly' however can accept the pale analogy.
It speaks to me of, yes distance but also geography, of Celtic migrations and the brotherhood of the displaced.
best
e

[TrevorConway]

Hi Eric,

Thanks for the feedback.

Trev