Peace

[Colm Roe]

Peace happens,
then dissolves in memory.
Becomes 
nothing at all.

It's a cycle down ancient, cobbled streets
safe, after rain melted blood into tulips,
and panniers
just carry offerings
of bread and wine,
hope, in the in-between times
a forgotten desperation. 

Peace's downfall is
its repetition. 
How many more times 
will it be required
before it becomes moot,
and it'll be us

diss
olv
ing.





 

 

[Matty11]

Lovely Colm. The opening line is a grabber. The cycle down cobbled streets is a great analogy (a little bumpy I suspect). A forgotten desperation another insightful one. Nice form play to conclude.

its repetition is the possessive.

Cheers

Phil

[Colm Roe]

Cheers, Phil.
And thanks for pointing out the typo.

[Dave]

Strong writing Colm with sensual images and a certain sad resignation in the dissolving and melting

[TrevorConway]

Hi Colm,

Nice piece. I like the tone, though I think you could probably add to it. Not sure what direction to take, just felt like it should be developed a little bit more.

Some specifics below.

Trev


Peace happens,
then dissolves in memory.
Becomes 
nothing at all. [Nice opening. I'd suggest ", becomes", continuing the sentence]

It's a cycle down ancient, cobbled streets [Remove "ancient"? The repetition/historical aspect is implied]
safe, after rain melted blood into tulips, [Delete "blood"? Overkill] ["rain has melted"?]
and panniers
just carry offerings
of bread and wine,
hope, in the in-between times
a forgotten desperation. [Delete line]

Peace's downfall is ["The downfall of peace / is its sheer repetition"]
its repetition. 
How many more times 
will it be required [Delete line?]
before it becomes moot,
and it'll be us

diss
olv
ing. [Nice ending. You cold even use the fade feature in Word to good effect here as well]

[Colm Roe]

Peace happens,
then dissolves in memory.
Becomes 
nothing at all. [Nice opening. I'd suggest ", becomes", continuing the sentence]................Good call.

It's a cycle down ancient, cobbled streets [Remove "ancient"? The repetition/historical aspect is implied]
safe, after rain melted blood into tulips, [Delete "blood"? Overkill]["rain has melted"?]
and panniers
just carry offerings
of bread and wine,
hope, in the in-between times
a forgotten desperation. [Delete line]...........'ancient, blood' were a quick link to the wars in Europe. If that was obvious then they could be removed.
Although I liked the idea of blood being replaced by flowers, like 'panniers' carrying food instead of transporting weapons/ammunition/explosives. 

Peace's downfall is ["The downfall of peace / is its sheer repetition"]
its repetition...........Maybe
Its downfall is
its repetition.

How many more times 
will it be required [Delete line?]
before it becomes moot,
and it'll be us

diss
olv
ing. [Nice ending. You cold even use the fade feature in Word to good effect here as well]

Thanks for your comments and suggestions, Trev 
 

[AlienFlower]

Nice, Colm, especially S2. To me, that stanza could carry the whole poem by itself; it's strong and moving.

How about trying a swap—exchanging "dissolve" and "melt"?

Enjoyed,

Jackie

[Colm Roe]

Thank you, Jackie. 
You could be right about the swap.

[Eric Ashford]

The peace theme as a transitory event or mood is treated with some intuitive ideas and images.
I was impressed how you kept an ethereal quality going and yet the poem stays grounded
in its view of the fleeting nature of it. Good one!