Of Sligo

[TrevorConway]

It isn’t quite fashionable now
to write nostalgic poems of home
that wear their sentiment heavy and long.

These are scribbles for drawers,
to stuff away like overcoats
as public taste has galloped on.

But there is a seam of Sligo within me,
enough for a barrel of flattering verses,
and if I was to open myself,
I’d write of Rosses Point
thrusting itself toward the Atlantic
above a fortune of waves
that shine like shuffled coin.

I’d see Benbulben as a shepherd
watching the flocks of Drumcliffe
and all the trees of Hazelwood
gathered like deer with autumn fur,
their barky antlers clamouring
around the edge of Lough Gill
to drink its sleepy water.

Such a poem
might console me for all the distance and time
I’ve pushed between myself and home.

Perhaps I’ll find
a way to wear the years so light
I’ll stitch a Sligo rhyme.

[Colm Roe]

If you can't write about your origins what can you write about.
I enjoyed it, well I would, the West (especially Galway, Mayo, Sligo and Donegal) is spectacular. Over the last five or so years I've completed the entire Wild Atlantic Way...and I mean pretty much all of it. Off season, on a blue-sky day, the road is yours. 
No ctits, it is what it is. I just hope you don't rhyme the next one...the West deserves better 
You're so lucky to be able to claim that county 

[Matty11]

Enjoyed Trev. Plenty of simile, plenty of detail. No strong nit crits, but throwing a few options your way...

It isn’t fashionable to write
nostalgic poems
that wear their sentiment long.

These are scribbles for drawers,
to stuff away like overcoats...are these kept in drawers?
as public taste gallops on.

But there is a seam of Sligo,
enough for a barrel of verses.
I’d write of Rosses Point
thrusting itself toward the Atlantic
above a fortune of waves
that shine like coin.

I’d see Benbulben as a shepherd
watching the flocks of Drumcliffe
and the trees of Hazelwood
gathered like deer with autumn fur,
their barky antlers clamouring
around the edge of Lough Gill
to drink its sleepy water.

Such a poem
might console me for all distance and time
I’ve pushed between myself and home.

Perhaps I’ll find
a way to wear the years so light
I’ll stitch a Sligo rhyme.

[bruise]

A poem containing the knowledge that it's unfashionable to write of 'home' while potentially writing of home and tricking past the reader some details of Sligo landscapes and what makes it amazing. The sense of the Irish abroad - being forced into exile (for art, poverty, adventure, ambition, the craic) is such a big part of Irish identity, which you touch on and I would happily see further explored (in this poem or others).

I would prefer

Isn’t it quite unfashionable now

I don't like the start on 'it' and this sounds more like Irish-English syntax. (I prefer your version of this stanza to Matty's)

I like the "seam of Sligo" and would like it if you could extend the metaphor rather than 'barrel of flattering verses' - seam as in coal or silver should therefore give you material to develop. Barrel to me references fishing.

I really like this, even though I don't fully understand it.

that shine like shuffled coin.

Such a poem
might console me for all the distance and time
I’ve pushed between myself and home.

so good.

Perhaps I’ll find
a way to wear the years so light
I’ll stitch a Sligo rhyme.

"I'll" causes me problems here. Partly because of the lack of punctuation to help. Replace with 'to' or 'that I'll'? But don't like repeated 'I'll' and think the last line could grow out of the preceding two more clearly.

Thank you for sharing.

[TrevorConway]

Thanks for all the feedback, everyone.

Trev

[Eric Ashford]

We should never be reticent about writing about our roots. They are who we become, yes and all the new roots we make along the path of life. I am Irish by blood so I relate to the sentiments here, I very nice nostalgic look back.