Man without anchor

[Dave]

Man without anchor

Hand on hat
a gent bent
into angles by a storm,
urges his feet forward.

He assumes he knows
sanctuary from danger,
although
the trees flex this way
and that,
while a gull reverses
and rain wets the sky.

(in appreciation of Jacques Pŕevert)
 

[TrevorConway]

Hi Dave,

Nice snapshot poem going beyond the basic description into the internal, which was good/interesting. My gut tells me it could be a longer poem, though it didn't feel very underdeveloped, only a little if anything. 

Comments below.

All the best,

Trev

Hand on hat [any more descriptive way to put it? "Spread-fingered to tame his hat"?]
a gent bent [nicely awkward phrasing, suits the theme]
into angles by a storm, [delete comma]
urges his feet forward.

He assumes he knows [can "assumes" be improved? "fancies"? "gathers"? "imagines"?]
sanctuary from danger,
although
the trees flex this way
and that, [put at end of previous line]
while a gull reverses
and rain wets the sky. ["wets" can be improved; to me, it gives the false impression of the actual blue/grey sky getting wet like a material]
 

[Matty11]

Man without anchor

Hand on hat
a gent bent
into angles by a storm,
urges his feet forward.

He assumes he knows
sanctuary from danger,
although
the trees flex this way
and that,
while a gull reverses
and rain wets the sky.

(in appreciation of Jacques Pŕevert)
 

Great Dave. I could re-format, make more succinct, but it delivers as is. Particularly like the hat on head holding.

Phil

[Tracy Mitchell]

I was not familiar with Jacques Pŕevert, but did a quick google tour of his poetry landscape.  Autumn Leaves in French was apparently a huge success, and the English version as well.  

I like the genuine play in this poem-- "bent", "angle"  "he knows" "this way" all take a turn, perhaps as a tree sways or a gull reverses course.

Such a gentle and definitive concluding couplet to the poem:

while a gull reverses
and rain wets the sky.

[Dave]

thanks for the comments everyone and the appreciation and Trevor, the suggestions which I will most certainly will follow up on. Yes Tracy, prevert is quite revered in France, though even his translator was also quite critical since his poems could be highly sentimental. I perfer the more observation poems which stayed very simple snapshots.
 

[Eric Ashford]

I get the reference and the poem is very good visual. Excellent!

[Marcomando]

Nicely done.
Just enough to expand thought without being too ‘told’.