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Oswyn, formerly of the Forestry Commission

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
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Interlace1
Posts: 29
Joined: Thu Jan 28, 2021 8:26 am

Oswyn, formerly of the Forestry Commission

Post by Interlace1 » Fri May 14, 2021 3:52 am

Version 2

A little sun to warm the bench
and I'm set for the morning,
eyes fixed to west

tracing and retracing

the treeline above Cwmcroidder
as though securing a robe of sunlight
to the mountain’s shoulder.

Thirty years ago I planted the larches,
since perished, felled. Only natives now —

*aethnenni, helyg, derw digoes —

They will not slide, on this watch,
once more into the shade.


*Aspen, willow, sessile oak.


Original

A little sun to warm his bench 
and he’s set for the morning,
eyes fixed to west  

tracing and retracing 

the treeline above Cwmcroidder
as though securing a robe of sunlight
to the mountain’s shoulder.

Thirty years ago he planted the larches, 
since perished, felled. Only natives now,
he boasts —

 *aethnenni, helyg, derw digoes —

They will not slide, on his watch, 
once more into the shade. 


*Aspen, willow, sessile oak. 
Last edited by Interlace1 on Sat Jul 10, 2021 10:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

Matty11
Posts: 1585
Joined: Thu Jan 11, 2018 7:58 pm

Re: Oswyn, formerly of the Forestry Commission

Post by Matty11 » Fri May 14, 2021 6:52 am

Nice one Luke. Like the sense of connection and guardianship. My googling brought me to Cwmcroiddur for spelling:

https://cilycwm.com/?page_id=3786

Natural Resources Wales have been felling Larch around here - Cwmcarn and Sirhowy - I was particularly annoyed when - probably contractors - felled some Scots Pine (a fav of woodland birds).

Loved the robe of sunlight on the shoulder.

cheers

Phil

 

Dave
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

Re: Oswyn, formerly of the Forestry Commission

Post by Dave » Sat May 15, 2021 6:57 am

Really enjoyed this. Very succinctly and carefully composed.
Dave
 

indar
Posts: 2908
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:00 am

Re: Oswyn, formerly of the Forestry Commission

Post by indar » Sun May 16, 2021 9:37 am

I have had trees and forests on my mind since visiting the giant California sequoias this past week. I expected to come home inspired, uplifted by their beauty. But I was not prepared for the huge parking lots and regulated walkways to go see certain trees that are in many cases the lone survivors of early logging practices. I spend too much time being sad about such things of late. I believe its a world-wide sadness. Thank you for posting this.

Interlace1
Posts: 29
Joined: Thu Jan 28, 2021 8:26 am

Re: Oswyn, formerly of the Forestry Commission

Post by Interlace1 » Fri Jun 18, 2021 10:46 am

Thanks all - much appreciated. Phil, you're right about the spelling error, to my shame. Ta.
L

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Tracy Mitchell
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Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:58 pm

Re: Oswyn, formerly of the Forestry Commission

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Sun Jun 27, 2021 3:06 pm

I like this a lot.  Have you played with first-person?  It might make the feel more intimate.  Not sure if that would be what you want.  In any event, a nice poem

T

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Mark
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Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 4:19 am

Re: Oswyn, formerly of the Forestry Commission

Post by Mark » Mon Jun 28, 2021 3:19 am

...securing a robe of sunlight
to the mountain’s shoulder.


 

Interlace1
Posts: 29
Joined: Thu Jan 28, 2021 8:26 am

Re: Oswyn, formerly of the Forestry Commission

Post by Interlace1 » Sat Jul 10, 2021 10:48 am

Tracy, thank you. I hadn't considered it but I have now.. What do you think? I'm keen.

Luke

Interlace1
Posts: 29
Joined: Thu Jan 28, 2021 8:26 am

Re: Oswyn, formerly of the Forestry Commission

Post by Interlace1 » Sat Jul 10, 2021 10:53 am

P. S - for version 2 I could drop 'Oswyn' from the title...

Luke

Matty11
Posts: 1585
Joined: Thu Jan 11, 2018 7:58 pm

Re: Oswyn, formerly of the Forestry Commission

Post by Matty11 » Thu Jul 15, 2021 5:08 am

For first person, probably best Luke.

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