The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

It is a very strong personal poem - the kind of poem that only you as the writer should touch. There are things here and that might be better cut but which affect the rhythm and your own vision. A moving piece without having to explicitly mention any emotions as such.
Dave
 

bumped

I would be very reluctant to suggest any changes.  This poem has what I've come to 'hear' as your authentic voice, the younger Indar looking both forward and back at the same time.  It has the 'feel' of a sepia tint photograph, where you can guess at the colours but never be certain.

If you've already worked through several changes and made your way back to the original I suggest this is the one which resonates best with you.  Don't work it to death in the search for elusive 'perfection'.

Just my opinion.

Gyppo

If you've already worked through several changes and made your way back to the original I suggest this is the one which resonates best with you.  Don't work it to death in the search for elusive 'perfection'.

 
Thank you Gyppo, 

I read this poem on the NaPo open mic but my sound was so bad no one could really hear it so they asked if I would post it. It's an old one so I just bumped it up. Its as finished as it's going to get.

Oh Lord Linda, it's still improving with every read.
Who wouldn't bump a poem of this calibre.
You absolutely have to read it again at the next TTB open mic.

This reminds me in tone and style poems by Geoffrey Lehmann in a collection called Spring Forest about a fictional farm in Australia. Obviously, it is a very different context but they have a similar sense of the detailed and real, imaginative and precise, yet with an element of mystery rooted in memory and childhood. 
Dave
 

Stillcraic: Tuesday Poem - Two Poems from 'Spring Forest' by Geoffrey Lehmann  

If this is representative of his work then I've found a new poet to spend time with. Thank you so much for mentioning him and what a compliment you are in some way reminded of this collection reading "Cottonwoods". Thank you Dave