The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

I wasn't born to wipe arses
babies aside, and them, I taught
as soon as I could
to wipe their own.

I might have been born
to sweep some shit aside though,
remove a few of the Lycra clad
fat, middle aged cyclists (with the flick of my steering wheel)
who clog our minor arterial roads,
vainly attempting to remove clogs
from their arterials.

My dying father's wife's need for sympathy,
an arse that should wipe itself.
Entitled arses, shameless pants dropped
on social media, for all to see,
boo hoo me too, a competition, like
my cancer is bigger than yours;
grow a pair!

Do what your grandparents did,
they enjoyed food without guilt or concern
blissfully unaware of fat or sodium, ok
they died in their 70's
but they burdened no one.

Now we cycle our little hearts out
skim our milk, and grimace at our plates
to gain a few extra years.
Big pharma loves your strivings
as you clog hospitals, in greedy hoards
depriving younger, poorer people
a chance.

If you're old...just die!
If you drive, and overtake a few cyclists,
chances are one of them might be a Cardiologist.
(FYI, he won't be overweight, so you know who to aim for, if
by chance you take out one or two Lycras at the same time...all the better)
Know your limit,
be reasonable.
If you're not sure...you're already there...off you go

Well Colm I hope you feel better now that you have that off your chest. Amazing how disturbed a person can feel about a few cyclists. my ambition has always been to buy a large hammer and walk round punching holes in Porsche and BMWs: to everyone his own. You might consider not mixing your pronouns quite so much - we and you used to refer to the same people may confuse some grammar Nazis.

Dave

By the way what is FFS?

For Fuck's Sake Dave...you never heard of ffs
'a few cyclists'!!! Ffs Dave, they are multiplying like rabbits; the roads are full of them. Can I assume you're one of them?
I used one 'we' and that refers to people in general. That's hardly 'mixing them quite so much'!
I was of course being (mostly) facetious in the poem; I do enjoy the odd rant. I'm sorry you didn't see it for what it was and preferred to just pick little holes in it

Hey Colm
No clearly I had let it pass my mind that the poem was intended as a mad exaggeration, afterall it contains the call to car drivers to kill cyclists. I do occasionally ride a bike in a city full of bike lanes but I would not be caught dead in lycra. I ahve never had a driving licence and do sincereyl hate everything about cars, though not car drivers since car drivers are also pedestrians and not vice versa. As for FFS, I ahve never ever seen it - I guess I have been living in Germany too long. Mind you not much one for abbreviations

What a humorously pointed rant.

I am familiar with the phrase FFS, use it myself occasionally, but hadn't immediately recognized the acronym. Then it dawned on me, FFS.

I think the Narrator of this poem would be pleased with public toilet licking excursions, pharma-roulette, and direct cholesterol injections. What is the value of the last 10-15 years anyway, FFS? And there is the liberating lightness which accompanies totally giving up. Look out lycras -- there's more of us coming!

Fun poem, Colm.

T