The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

So there am I,
a blameless guy,
when this tiny fly
flies in my eye!
****! sez I,
you effing fly.

It’s drowning in my runny eye
so with a mirror nearby 
I wipe and swipe and poke and pry.
It proves elusive, dead or shy.
Listen, effing fly, growls I, –
I’m like that Liam Neeson guy,
you’re gutsy, that I can’t deny,
but if you mess with such as I,
I’ll hunt you down and you will die.

Frustrations start to multiply,
I’m crankier than Captain Bligh,
I’ll get you effing fly, I cry,
very loudly asking why
it had to pick my effing eye
in which to go and effing die.


Twenty minutes on I sigh,
peering at the lifeless fly,
extricated, high and dry.
I killed it with a single eye.

My fingertip held briefly nigh,
I flick the tiny corpse goodbye. 


 

Lovely. There's something very satisfying about poems with end rhymes that are all the same. 
Fie! sez I,    - just a suggestion
you effing fly.

I’m crankier than Captain Bligh,   - best line


 

Hi Dylan,
I'd like to bring an etiquette issue to your attention after checking to see how often you comment on other people's poems.
viewtopic.php?f=265&t=529
5. Give more than you take. You want feedback, help, critique of your darling poems? Then you are well advised to engage with the other writers concerning their work as well as your own. If you want others to devote energy and thought to your creation, then demonstrate your willingness to do the same with respect to their work. A good rule of thumb is to give three substantive reviews/critiques for each poem of your own which you post.

The more you engage with other poets the more feedback you'll receive.
I do enjoy your poems, but feel reluctant to comment because of the above.
Regards