The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

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Collapsed on the Trail

I am invisible
like a black pancake
made thin – frisbee thin,
great to buzz treetops,
or to launch from a promontory.

An organic odor wafts through
an upland meadow – I am here
by choice – I see animals in the rocks.
A granite wolf calls upward.
A dandelion with a kerchief looks down.

Wild lupines host for a moment
a red-belted bumble bee.

Aspen whiffs and I
occupy
the updrafts.


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Hi Tracy
Great to have you back here again after so long and with a poem and a quirky one at that. Forever finding arresting images and wording that stands out, even if I am not sure at times what exactly is being described. I particuarly like the second half of the poem from the granite wolf since first half seemed a little bit more like a puzzle or challenge with the 'I' so up front like that. Nevertheless engaging and confident writing as always.

Dave

Hi Tracy, I googled black pancake
The definition of Black Pancake is when a black male presses his scrotum up against a window
What were you doing up there in the woods
For me S1 is a prostration before Nature, the N reminded of his insignificance, or accepting it.
The rest is just a (rather lovely) celebration.
The last S reinforces S1.
Loved it.

JFC!! I had no idea of that sense for 'black pancake'. Definitely not my intention to reference or incorporate.

Thanks Colm.

T

I had to google in case it was an Americanism I wasn't familiar with.
I have to admit it gave me a good laugh
If a white man did it would it be called 'white pancake' or just 'pancake'?
Exit stage left all gravitas associated with the poem
Apologies Tracy.

Love it Colm -- good to be back.
Earlier drafts had invisible pancakes, clear pancakes -- it was the instigational image. But I suppose like any good batch of nail soup, the nail needs to finally come out. You and Dave both suggest as much, in your own ways.

And keep your pancake . . . nevermind.

Cheers.

T

Nice to see the aspens back Tracy! A lot of indefinite article in the middle of the poem, but you did convey a sense of place, which I muchly enjoyed.

I am here by choice

That's a great statement to pin a poem...and a life.

best

Phil

Hi Matty --

Yes, the indefinite articles. There are a lot aren't there? I thought by their use I was bringing out the chance element, but I didn't realize how deep the pile of them had become.

There will be a re-write of this one, perhaps remedial edits may be taken. +

Thanks your your comments.

T