Our red armchair sofa for two, coffee table,
glasses still milky with drink.
Several long strides would take me
to the window’s panorama of traffic,
shops and cafes, flurry of motion
I remove my glasses, wipe them clean, ponder distance.
Welcome to The Tangled Branch! Join us.
Alone
Re: Alone
Sad without being maudlin.
S1 sets it up well. S2 seems to imply the N's awareness of 'all life' going on...within reach...but
he's retreated from any hope of enjoying life again.
The images in S3 are especially poignant in their brevity.
Not sure that 'long' adds to the poem; but I might have missed the meaning.
Very nice read though.
S1 sets it up well. S2 seems to imply the N's awareness of 'all life' going on...within reach...but
he's retreated from any hope of enjoying life again.
The images in S3 are especially poignant in their brevity.
Not sure that 'long' adds to the poem; but I might have missed the meaning.
Very nice read though.
Re: Alone
Dave,
The sense of isolation is palpable, and the window stands in well for the invisible barrier of loss between the narrator and the rest of the world. A writer could waste a thousand words trying to convey that gulf, or alternatively capture it in a few.
I think the 'long' is a useful metaphor to replace the missing thousand words Had it not been there I wouldn't have sensed a gap in the flow, but in my opinion to take it out now would remove something useful. A subtle but far-reaching reinforcement of the surround words. Long strides imply either extra effort, or perhaps a greater unwillingness to start that journey.
Gyppo
The sense of isolation is palpable, and the window stands in well for the invisible barrier of loss between the narrator and the rest of the world. A writer could waste a thousand words trying to convey that gulf, or alternatively capture it in a few.
I think the 'long' is a useful metaphor to replace the missing thousand words Had it not been there I wouldn't have sensed a gap in the flow, but in my opinion to take it out now would remove something useful. A subtle but far-reaching reinforcement of the surround words. Long strides imply either extra effort, or perhaps a greater unwillingness to start that journey.
Gyppo
I've been writing ever since I realised I could. Storytelling since I started talking. Poetry however comes and goes
- Tracy Mitchell
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Re: Alone
Stark, engaging.
I agree w/Phil on flurry of motion.
T
I agree w/Phil on flurry of motion.
T