The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

It's hard to dig a hole,
clay grips itself tight.

The spade will separate, but
remove it
and the cut will heal.

Each side moves back
silent and effortless
to reseal itself.

Disturbed soil soon forgets an assault,
reluctant to remember, it just
redresses itself in a new coat.

I can relate to his Colm, at least on a gardening level, though the poem prompts thoughts on people interaction too.

It's a poem easy to relate to. Simple clear and hiding a deeper meaning in plain site.
Nevertheless, there a couple of things I would rethink if I were you, which of course I am not. The title is in line with the first line but the word hard is apposite of what happens in the poem. It's clear the clay makes the work hard but another word that is softer in its sounds might work better. Tough for instance.

I would suggest dropping itself in S1 and back in S3 as they are clear from the rest and at least in the case of 'back' I found myself stumbling over it. They are minor points, naturally. As an English teacher the two adjectives jar in S3 but may be an artistic choice.

In the last stanza I think disturbed could go as it is in the poem and earth would make for a better word than soil which for me implies a looser texture than described here.

A good poem though with a keen eye for life's details.

Thanks for your comments Phil.
Dave,
The title is in line with the first line but the word hard is apposite of what happens in the poem. It's clear the clay makes the work hard but another word that is softer in its sounds might work better. Tough for instance. I think either word works. But the two t sounds 'tough to' I'm not keen on. I could say 'It's tough digging a hole'...but the ing police would be on my case

I would suggest dropping itself in S1 Itself was intended to lend a sense of personification...resembling flesh.

and back in S3 Yes I agree, it could go.

As an English teacher the two adjectives jar in S3 but may be an artistic choice. Multiple adjectives in a sentence, once they are separated by the correct word or punctuation and are in the right order, are perfectly acceptable I would have thought? I suppose it may depend on how you read the poem, and it being open to interpretation, your comment is as valid as my rejection of it.

In the last stanza I think disturbed could go as it is in the poem and earth would make for a better word than soil which for me implies a looser texture than described here. 'Disturbed' and 'soil' were intentional. They are softer words than 'cut' and 'clay' to show what we see on the surface. You got a sense of the meaning when you said 'a looser texture'.

Thanks for taking the time to read and critique Dave.

Fair enough Colm I can follow each of your reasons except with the two adjectives which technically need to be separated off by commas in that case, but it is a quibble only.

I'm not an expert Dave. (Scratches his head)

If the paired adjectives come AFTER the noun, USE "and" with NO COMMA. It does not matter what types of adjectives are in the pair.
Correct: The restaurant was fabulous and French.
NOT Correct: The restaurant was fabulous, French.

This language does my head in
When you see bad grammar in future just assume I'm using poetic licence

Real interesting take, Colm. I wrote a poem some years ago about a shovel wounding the earth and no matter what, there would always be the scar from the wound. Here, the Speaker takes the opposite position.

It took me a while to get the grammar of S.2 -- the unspoken subject of 'separate' and to what 'it' refers. Not sure how to clairify, or even it you want to.

S.3 - consider deleting L2. Just a thought.

S.4 -- "redresses" I couldn't get past the meaning of 'remedies' or 'compensates' -- thought there is some stretch, I understand that it is supposed to mean dresses again?

Cheers.

T

Yeah, I got it, my only point was that it wasn't immediately obvious to me. But then, fewer and fewer things are these days. Wonderful poem, Colm.

T