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She loved...

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Dave
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

She loved...

Post by Dave » Sun May 31, 2020 6:00 am

In marriage she's become opaque:
a shadow behind shower glass;
her face made up and familiar.

her husband knows her,
and loses her among
common-place adjectives
he shares with friends at parties,
or writes in birthday cards.

She finds herself on a dating site
for sexual conspirators, free spirits
who loosen their ties,
slip out of their dresses, 
and liberated from idle conversation
share fantasies and broken intimacies.

Most of all she loves
the sound of wind-swept trees
in night frightened cemeteries 
surrounded by the blue lit
lounges of the dead.
 

indar
Posts: 2908
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:00 am

Re: She loved...

Post by indar » Mon Jun 01, 2020 11:24 am

I love this one. I am reminded of the studies done, I think mainly in the 90s, that inquired into whether how we think about things shapes the way we speak of them or how we speak shapes the way we think. There was pretty clear evidence that it was the latter (which seems counterintuitive to me). That is how PC was born but we seem to have lost track of that. The woman in this poem disappears, via language, to a shadow in the shower door or "as through a glass darkly". 

And then removes herself from the relationship--a further disappearance to a place where there is no language to describe her.

And then to a cemetery--should night frightened be hyphenated? The final lines are chilling and reduced to a feeling rather than a definable place. People are disappearing all the time into the definitions put on them by others.

Dave
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

Re: She loved...

Post by Dave » Sun Jun 07, 2020 4:52 am

Thanks Linda
Yes you are right about the hyphen. And also the relationship of words to our experience of life and our thinking. The current crisis in the US is pretty good proof of that. I still can't understand how the anti-Trump press will spend so much time repeating what he says. Every piece of nonsense he says is now a part of common consciousness. Just think of McDonald's 'I'm liking it' - whether you detest McDonalds, as I do or not, they got just about everyone in the what to say they like McDonalds. A fantastic piece of psychology.
Dave
 

indar
Posts: 2908
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:00 am

Re: She loved...

Post by indar » Sun Jun 07, 2020 11:44 am

The media keeps reprimanding itself for playing into trump's (tiny) hands and then follows up by repeating what they shouldn't have repeated. What will become of us?

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Mark
Posts: 586
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 4:19 am

Re: She loved...

Post by Mark » Mon Jun 08, 2020 2:36 pm

I enjoyed the poem. It was like being a voyeur of her feminine landscape. Strong writing throughout and i particularly appreciated the elevated phraseology in the final S, although it could use a little tightening in a couple of places. Good stuff, Dave.

poet-e
Posts: 247
Joined: Wed Jun 19, 2019 3:10 pm

Re: She loved...

Post by poet-e » Fri Jun 12, 2020 11:51 am

Love the 1st and 4th stanzas!  Great imagery.
Middle two Ss seem weaker.

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