The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

Stillness 100 years after a Massacre

Nothing stirs.
Not even colour.

Every grain of earth
black and white.

Bony shouldered trees
flank a dumb brook

for all the world
like Christians

at prayer.

 

Somber and poignant, Dave.  
The title defines the poem.

But in the end, I think 'redemption's hymn' is asked to carry too much water.  Christians who wait for redemption's hymn -- I take this to mean something like solace ascribed to religious creed which is hollow, false and/or insufficient.  This makes the closing line too heavy handed, too dramatic, too expected.  

I get the poem and it works, but redoing this passage could result in a substantial upgrade.  

Just my view.

Cheers.

T
 

Hi Tracy
Wow that was fast. Not sure how to amend as you suggest but will think it over. In the meantime redemption is gone.

The poem builds directly to that stick point, and I don't know how to advise.  Sorry, just reciting my impressions.

You recall how fast Sparky could turn around a poem comment?  I have no idea how he did that consistently in lightning speed.

Cheers.

T

Good one Dave, especially the closing sentence, which could be the poem itself.

best

Phil

A stunning revision, Dave.  Love it.

T

Having not seen the original I will just say "stunning poem". How an event can forever alter the landscape in human perception. And then that sense of waiting. Love the ironic ending---the prayerfulness "like" that of Christians. We the readers might not know to which massacre this refers but we might be able to guess who was involved in some way or another.

Love the imagery it ends with.

Curious which Massacre...

Dave -
Like others, I have not seen the original.  But I'm taken with the sparseness that says so very very much, leads the reader to so much more.

Aj
 

I am loath to reference the source for the poem as the photo is so much more powerful than the poem but here is the link and the massacre was Campaspe in Australia 1839