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Where Music Turns Sour

Posted: Sun Feb 09, 2020 3:39 pm
by Tracy Mitchell
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Where Music Turns Sour

I was excited to see big horn sheep.
They abide together
conscious of where the others stand.
None wants to be mayor.  

Laying in a ditch one night I felt the same way
as if stars and I were equal spirals.

With time, the moon can melt off stench 
from the lit part of town,
where music turns sour into a passable thread of hope,
where flesh is what – I can’t say.

She asks better days?
All I can hear is Betty Davis– 
“I’d like ta kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.”


 

Re: Where Music Turns Sour

Posted: Sun Feb 09, 2020 6:23 pm
by ajduclos
So impressed what you and others can do with free form free thought poetry. 

"better days" indeed !!!!

Aj 

 

Re: Where Music Turns Sour

Posted: Mon Feb 10, 2020 6:09 pm
by Tracy Mitchell
Thanks, AJ.  I appreciate your reading and commenting.

Cheers.

T

Re: Where Music Turns Sour

Posted: Mon Feb 10, 2020 7:16 pm
by Colm Roe
 Suggested (apols) edits.

With time, the moon's sweet orbit
swipes the stench
from the lit part of town, where music
sours into passable threads of hope,
where flesh is what?...I just can’t say.

'Better days?' she asks
All I can hear is Betty Davis– 
“I’d like ta kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.”[/font]

Love this. Unusually accessible for a T poem.
Fabulous opening and close. And the middle isn't just filler either!
The difference between the two worlds are written sharp, with a sensitive scalpel.
Kudos

Re: Where Music Turns Sour

Posted: Tue Feb 11, 2020 12:37 pm
by Tracy Mitchell
Thanks Colm.

Again you pose challenging edit suggestions.  I always like your take on these things.

T