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She offered

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
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Dave
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

She offered

Post by Dave » Tue Jan 28, 2020 10:48 am

She offered
a glimpse through
summer infused foliage

they unfroze love
shared its liquidity

birth 
 
even as it steals
more than it gives

Her closeness
an imagined
within and between

for him to admire
his finding

know his distance 
from the source.

 

Matty11
Posts: 1585
Joined: Thu Jan 11, 2018 7:58 pm

Re: She offered

Post by Matty11 » Thu Jan 30, 2020 8:55 am

a glimpse through
summer infused foliage

they unfroze love
shared its liquidity

I liked that part Dave, but not really connecting with the rest.

best

Phil

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Colm Roe
Posts: 2697
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 12:45 am

Re: She offered

Post by Colm Roe » Thu Jan 30, 2020 6:19 pm

Interesting poem.
I read the two protagonists as Life and Death.
Right or wrong I enjoyed the lightness of it...reflecting the ephemeral nature of our time here.

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Mark
Posts: 586
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 4:19 am

Re: She offered

Post by Mark » Thu Jan 30, 2020 11:25 pm

Sounds like sex in the bushes.

Dave
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

Re: She offered

Post by Dave » Fri Jan 31, 2020 8:07 am

Thanks everyone - good when a poem is something else to each reader.

Dave
 

indar
Posts: 2908
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:00 am

Re: She offered

Post by indar » Sun Feb 02, 2020 11:53 am

good when a poem is something else to each reader.

Good you think so because I read this as a two-parter: the closeness of shared intimacy that leads to a birth but the difference in the way the father experiences that event compared to the mother.

Lovely lines throughout I agree with Matty: the first S is a standout.

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Tracy Mitchell
Posts: 3179
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:58 pm

Re: She offered

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Fri Feb 07, 2020 10:31 am

I agree with Indar's comments.  S.1 is special.  "Birth" starts the poem in a different gear - I never got with it there.

T
 

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