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Between Here and There

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
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Tim J Brennan

Between Here and There

Post by Tim J Brennan » Sun Jan 19, 2020 11:35 am

All the places in-between, nothing
like home—town to town, highway
to county trunk to avenue to street

It sounds ridiculous, but after
each meal or ice cream or coffee
or even the occasional glass of white;

they all tell me they are the strangers,
not me, and they hang their words
for me to see in the cool night air—

they say soon I will have to leave,
but to keep feasting ’til next time,
there are more of us in the next place.

And I do leave, and start my car,
listen to the passing train, the click-
and-the-clack, let the lightness of night

find me so I can remember home,
to the face of my mother who will be
there to explain it all before she dies.

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Tracy Mitchell
Posts: 3179
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:58 pm

Re: Between Here and There

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Fri Feb 07, 2020 10:25 am

Hi Tim,

I like so much of this, but feel dense, as I don't get the overall picture.  The narrator seems Dylan-esque as he moves from town to town, and they are the strangers. There will be more of us in the next place.  They " they hang their words / for me to see in the cool night air—".  Not sure what that means.

The conclusion seems very powerful, but have a hard time relating it what goes before.

I tried.  :?

T

Tim J Brennan

Re: Between Here and There

Post by Tim J Brennan » Sat Feb 08, 2020 6:07 pm

Tracy Mitchell wrote:
Fri Feb 07, 2020 10:25 am
Hi Tim,

I like so much of this, but feel dense, as I don't get the overall picture.  The narrator seems Dylan-esque as he moves from town to town, and they are the strangers. There will be more of us in the next place.  They " they hang their words / for me to see in the cool night air—".  Not sure what that means.

The conclusion seems very powerful, but have a hard time relating it what goes before.

I tried.  :?

T

Liking much of this is nice. Hell, 80 views and you being the first comment tells me it's not perfect. At least you tried ;)

Dylan-esque is a plus. I spent the better part of four months in 1999 driving home late night (probably 10 /12 trips b/c Dad would call and tell me mom was dying and I should come "home" (a 3 hour trip, one way). And so I did. I would stop (coffee, meals, gas) and I would meet the same people. Sometimes they remembered me, sometimes not. All strangers telling me "There will be more of us in the next place." Their words were always kind.

Am glad the conclusion "seems" powerful, b/c it was. Poetry is a funny medium. Everyone always thinks they should know what's going on, and yet, you have touched on many things that were my goals when posting w/o really "knowing" the whole story. I suppose I could have gone on and related how mom was always awake when I finally arrived until that last time when she wasn't. But that isn't what this poem is about and is fodder for a different poem (one I have written multiple times).

I am a happy guy and thank you for your willingness to post to this poem after 80 views. Shows me your tenacity to really read and contribute to this forum. Thank you.

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Tracy Mitchell
Posts: 3179
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:58 pm

Re: Between Here and There

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Sun Feb 09, 2020 8:45 am

Thanks Tim,
Your comments are helpful in understanding the poem. 
I don't think S.2-4 set up the ending in any useful way.
But I am even more taken with S.5 & S.6.  

Cheers.

T

ajduclos
Posts: 1746
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2019 1:35 pm

Re: Between Here and There

Post by ajduclos » Sun Feb 09, 2020 6:39 pm

The poem may not fit a correct poetic approach... but it is beautifully written and expressive.  The last stanza spears the heart.

Aj

Tim J Brennan

Re: Between Here and There

Post by Tim J Brennan » Tue Feb 11, 2020 7:02 am

ajduclos wrote:
Sun Feb 09, 2020 6:39 pm
The poem may not fit a correct poetic approach... but it is beautifully written and expressive.  The last stanza spears the heart.

Aj

Hi, Aj. Thanks. Interesting, but what would be your definition of a "correct poetic approach?"

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