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A poem that lost its voice

Posted: Tue Jan 14, 2020 4:34 am
by Matty11
is mouthing on a hook
cast into the pond

where pike swallow
each other

with abstract
appetites

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(revision: replaced unreasoning with abstract) and removed the in L3

Re: A poem that lost its voice

Posted: Tue Jan 14, 2020 7:53 pm
by Tracy Mitchell
Love this Phil.  
Awesome opening line -- so graphic.
S.2 L.1 -- delete "the"?  - just asking.

Cheers.

T

Re: A poem that lost its voice

Posted: Wed Jan 15, 2020 1:32 am
by Colm Roe
That's a neat little poem Phil :)

Re: A poem that lost its voice

Posted: Thu Jan 16, 2020 4:42 am
by Sharon Leigh
Wonderful, kept wanting there to be some allusion to the waters being "shallow" too ;) 

Re: A poem that lost its voice

Posted: Thu Jan 16, 2020 8:10 pm
by Trish Saunders
Usually avoid poems about poems but I enjoyed this very much, with its brief, biting images. 

Re: A poem that lost its voice

Posted: Sat Jan 18, 2020 3:35 am
by Matty11
Thanks Trish, Sharon, Colm and T.

S.2 L.1 -- delete "the"?

Agreed T. Thanks for that.

cheers

phil