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Accelerating darkness and broken protons

Posted: Sun Jan 12, 2020 8:07 pm
by Colm Roe
Scientists are still waiting to witness
a proton decay.
It's predicted, and will be the final nail
in our Universe's coffin.
Star creation will stop and the night sky
becomes a cold, dark blank...
unless God changes the rules
and interferes.

It's thought he doesn't meddle
in our affairs, free will and all that.
So why do we pray in desperation,
believing in interventions we know
won't happen.

Somewhere in me I believe in something,
not Him...well, maybe a flawed version.
I pray for others (on the off chance)
He's some humanity left.

But in the back of my proton filled mind
I'm just waiting
for Hell to freeze over.

Re: Accelerating darkness and broken protons

Posted: Mon Jan 13, 2020 3:17 am
by Gyppo
But in the back of my proton filled mind
I'm just waiting
for Hell to freeze over.


Colm:  I love the image this triggers.  How can anyone fear a shivering Devil wearing ice skates and a thick hooded parka ;-)  Especially if it has striped sleeves.

Re: Accelerating darkness and broken protons

Posted: Mon Jan 13, 2020 11:58 am
by Tracy Mitchell
Wonderful, Colm!  You are becoming so prolific.

Here are my nibbles:

S.1 L.5-6 -- tense changes from future to present, doesn't feel right
      L.8 -- consider deleting

S.2 -- So why do we pray in desperation, / believing in interventions . . . . How about >> So why do we pray for interventions . . .  Just asking.

S.3 -- maybe lose the parens

S.4  L.2 --  just

Cheers.

T