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When the last ship sails
Posted: Mon Jan 06, 2020 8:22 pm
by Colm Roe
Some tickets, arrive
surprise, some long voyages
don't come with brochures,
they drop through your letterbox
regardless of useless barriers, like
'No Junk Mail Please'
Your ship, steadfast and patient
tethered to a crumbling place
loosely woven by the Fates, waits.
Some journeys can't be cancelled,
no refunds due.
Destinations once hidden in undiscovered coves
or faintly visible through the mist,
horizons, you reached for, now
in plain view.
Your eyes reject the prospect
and close...
ticket in hand.
Re: When the last ship sails
Posted: Mon Jan 06, 2020 10:58 pm
by Deb
Colm, I've read through this several times and each time another layer is revealed to me.
This is a timely read as I'm helping a friend write a eulogy tomorrow for her 20-year-old son who was killed on his Harley a week ago Sunday. He's the same age as our youngest and spent many summers at our house swimming and playing on the trampoline. He was a sweet, thoughtful kid.
The Fates, indeed. I see this working in the minds of the living and the dying, especially with the last stanza.
Thoughtful, well done.
~Deb
Re: When the last ship sails
Posted: Tue Jan 07, 2020 9:01 am
by Tracy Mitchell
Love this Colm. Another somber and wonderful poem on the topic.
For the life of me I can't figure the comma in the first line.
These are my revealing lines:
Destinations once hidden in undiscovered coves
or faintly visible through the mist, faintly >> only ?
horizons, you reached for, now
in plain view.
The resignation doesn't have to be forlorn, I think. Good poem.
Cheers.
T
Re: When the last ship sails
Posted: Tue Jan 07, 2020 2:42 pm
by Dave
Hey Colm
You are currently on a rich vein of writing and I like very much the clear simplicity of the images and ideas. The only quibble would be with the first stanza, which tends to hold up the poem and has the only line that does not work, namely the first leading into the second, which I don't get grammatically or in terms of punctuation. You could easily start the poem with some voyages arrive… and nothing would be lost.
Dave
Re: When the last ship sails
Posted: Tue Jan 07, 2020 6:54 pm
by Colm Roe
Deb, thanks, and my heart goes out to you.
Tracy, thanks, 'only' could be used. Not sure it would make as much sense as 'faintly' though?
Dave, thanks, and like Tracy, that issue with the S1's punctuation has been noted.
Maybe this way
Some tickets arrive, surprise.
Some long voyages
don't come with brochures,
Anywho, thanks again for your comments.
Re: When the last ship sails
Posted: Wed Jan 08, 2020 7:33 am
by ajduclos
Yes, when the end is nigh............... wonderfully written, well explored. Beautiful in its finality.
S1 L1 punctuation...
Aj
Re: When the last ship sails
Posted: Sun Jan 12, 2020 7:17 pm
by Tracy Mitchell
Some tickets arrive, surprise.
Yes.
T
Re: When the last ship sails
Posted: Sun Jan 12, 2020 8:10 pm
by Colm Roe
Re: When the last ship sails
Posted: Wed Jan 15, 2020 11:18 am
by poet-e
Read a few times, but still seems to go over my head.
It did make me think of the Titanic...
Re: When the last ship sails
Posted: Wed Jan 15, 2020 9:25 pm
by Sharon Leigh
Hi Colm, another fine contemplation on mortality here - the death as journey trope threatens toward cliche but you nimbly avoid that here. I couldn't help hoping the n would rip up the ticket and throw it as confetti in the final stanza!
![😆](//cdn.jsdelivr.net/emojione/assets/3.1/png/64/1f606.png)
Finely wrought