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When the last ship sails

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
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Colm Roe
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When the last ship sails

Post by Colm Roe » Mon Jan 06, 2020 8:22 pm

Some tickets, arrive
surprise, some long voyages
don't come with brochures,
they drop through your letterbox
regardless of useless barriers, like
'No Junk Mail Please'

Your ship, steadfast and patient
tethered to a crumbling place
loosely woven by the Fates, waits.

Some journeys can't be cancelled,
no refunds due.
Destinations once hidden in undiscovered coves
or faintly visible through the mist,
horizons, you reached for, now
in plain view.

Your eyes reject the prospect
and close...
ticket in hand.

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Deb
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Re: When the last ship sails

Post by Deb » Mon Jan 06, 2020 10:58 pm

Colm, I've read through this several times and each time another layer is revealed to me.

This is a timely read as I'm helping a friend write a eulogy tomorrow for her 20-year-old son who was killed on his Harley a week ago Sunday. He's the same age as our youngest and spent many summers at our house swimming and playing on the trampoline. He was a sweet, thoughtful kid. 

The Fates, indeed. I see this working in the minds of the living and the dying, especially with the last stanza.

Thoughtful, well done.

~Deb

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Tracy Mitchell
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Re: When the last ship sails

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Tue Jan 07, 2020 9:01 am

Love this Colm. Another somber and wonderful poem on the topic.

For the life of me I can't figure the comma in the first line.

These are my revealing lines: 

Destinations once hidden in undiscovered coves
or faintly visible through the mist,                     
faintly >> only  ?
horizons, you reached for, now
in plain view.


The resignation doesn't have to be forlorn, I think.  Good poem.

Cheers.

T

 

Dave
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Re: When the last ship sails

Post by Dave » Tue Jan 07, 2020 2:42 pm

Hey Colm 
You are currently on a rich vein of writing and I like very much the clear simplicity of the images and ideas. The only quibble would be with the first stanza, which tends to hold up the poem and has the only line that does not work, namely the first leading into the second, which I don't get grammatically or in terms of punctuation. You could easily start the poem with some voyages arrive… and nothing would be lost.

Dave
 

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Colm Roe
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Re: When the last ship sails

Post by Colm Roe » Tue Jan 07, 2020 6:54 pm

Deb, thanks, and my heart goes out to you.
Tracy, thanks, 'only' could be used. Not sure it would make as much sense as 'faintly' though?
Dave, thanks, and like Tracy, that issue with the S1's punctuation has been noted.
Maybe this way

Some tickets arrive, surprise.
Some long voyages
don't come with brochures,

Anywho, thanks again for your comments.

ajduclos
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Re: When the last ship sails

Post by ajduclos » Wed Jan 08, 2020 7:33 am

Yes, when the end is nigh............... wonderfully written, well explored.  Beautiful in its finality.

S1 L1 punctuation...

Aj

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Tracy Mitchell
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Re: When the last ship sails

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Sun Jan 12, 2020 7:17 pm

Some tickets arrive, surprise.   

Yes.

T

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Colm Roe
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Re: When the last ship sails

Post by Colm Roe » Sun Jan 12, 2020 8:10 pm

:)

poet-e
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Re: When the last ship sails

Post by poet-e » Wed Jan 15, 2020 11:18 am

Read a few times, but still seems to go over my head.
It did make me think of the Titanic...

Sharon Leigh
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Location: Midwest US

Re: When the last ship sails

Post by Sharon Leigh » Wed Jan 15, 2020 9:25 pm

Hi Colm, another fine contemplation on mortality here - the death as journey trope threatens toward cliche but you nimbly avoid that here. I couldn't help hoping the n would rip up the ticket and throw it as confetti in the final stanza! 😆 Finely wrought
"This creature of the poem may assemble itself into a being with its own centrifugal force."-- Sharon Olds

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