Welcome to The Tangled Branch!  Join us.

When the last ship sails

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
User avatar
Colm Roe
Posts: 1417
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 7:45 am

When the last ship sails

Post by Colm Roe » Tue Jan 07, 2020 3:22 am

Some tickets, arrive
surprise, some long voyages
don't come with brochures,
they drop through your letterbox
regardless of useless barriers, like
'No Junk Mail Please'

Your ship, steadfast and patient
tethered to a crumbling place
loosely woven by the Fates, waits.

Some journeys can't be cancelled,
no refunds due.
Destinations once hidden in undiscovered coves
or faintly visible through the mist,
horizons, you reached for, now
in plain view.

Your eyes reject the prospect
and close...
ticket in hand.

User avatar
Deb
Posts: 432
Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2018 4:10 pm
Location: Southern California USA
Contact:

Re: When the last ship sails

Post by Deb » Tue Jan 07, 2020 5:58 am

Colm, I've read through this several times and each time another layer is revealed to me.

This is a timely read as I'm helping a friend write a eulogy tomorrow for her 20-year-old son who was killed on his Harley a week ago Sunday. He's the same age as our youngest and spent many summers at our house swimming and playing on the trampoline. He was a sweet, thoughtful kid. 

The Fates, indeed. I see this working in the minds of the living and the dying, especially with the last stanza.

Thoughtful, well done.

~Deb

User avatar
Tracy Mitchell
Posts: 1633
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 10:58 pm

Re: When the last ship sails

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Tue Jan 07, 2020 4:01 pm

Love this Colm. Another somber and wonderful poem on the topic.

For the life of me I can't figure the comma in the first line.

These are my revealing lines: 

Destinations once hidden in undiscovered coves
or faintly visible through the mist,                     
faintly >> only  ?
horizons, you reached for, now
in plain view.


The resignation doesn't have to be forlorn, I think.  Good poem.

Cheers.

T

 

Dave
Posts: 880
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 4:07 pm

Re: When the last ship sails

Post by Dave » Tue Jan 07, 2020 9:42 pm

Hey Colm 
You are currently on a rich vein of writing and I like very much the clear simplicity of the images and ideas. The only quibble would be with the first stanza, which tends to hold up the poem and has the only line that does not work, namely the first leading into the second, which I don't get grammatically or in terms of punctuation. You could easily start the poem with some voyages arrive… and nothing would be lost.

Dave
 

User avatar
Colm Roe
Posts: 1417
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 7:45 am

Re: When the last ship sails

Post by Colm Roe » Wed Jan 08, 2020 1:54 am

Deb, thanks, and my heart goes out to you.
Tracy, thanks, 'only' could be used. Not sure it would make as much sense as 'faintly' though?
Dave, thanks, and like Tracy, that issue with the S1's punctuation has been noted.
Maybe this way

Some tickets arrive, surprise.
Some long voyages
don't come with brochures,

Anywho, thanks again for your comments.

ajduclos
Posts: 838
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2019 7:35 pm

Re: When the last ship sails

Post by ajduclos » Wed Jan 08, 2020 2:33 pm

Yes, when the end is nigh............... wonderfully written, well explored.  Beautiful in its finality.

S1 L1 punctuation...

Aj

User avatar
Tracy Mitchell
Posts: 1633
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 10:58 pm

Re: When the last ship sails

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Mon Jan 13, 2020 2:17 am

Some tickets arrive, surprise.   

Yes.

T

User avatar
Colm Roe
Posts: 1417
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 7:45 am

Re: When the last ship sails

Post by Colm Roe » Mon Jan 13, 2020 3:10 am

:)

poet-e
Posts: 247
Joined: Wed Jun 19, 2019 9:10 pm

Re: When the last ship sails

Post by poet-e » Wed Jan 15, 2020 6:18 pm

Read a few times, but still seems to go over my head.
It did make me think of the Titanic...

Sharon Leigh
Posts: 222
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 11:07 am
Location: Midwest US

Re: When the last ship sails

Post by Sharon Leigh » Thu Jan 16, 2020 4:25 am

Hi Colm, another fine contemplation on mortality here - the death as journey trope threatens toward cliche but you nimbly avoid that here. I couldn't help hoping the n would rip up the ticket and throw it as confetti in the final stanza! 😆 Finely wrought
"This creature of the poem may assemble itself into a being with its own centrifugal force."-- Sharon Olds

Post Reply