The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

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 Down the San Miguel River

Whiffs of indigenous folklore 
permeate, animate the lower bluffs.
Cliffs reach toward a ridge line at the sky.

In the folds of the gorge a falls awaits, near where 
intercessions incubate, and come fully to life– 
where revenants, eidolons and oracles abound,
shadowed in hallowed ravines    
evolve magic traceries which sing– 

We are descended from a bush 
who burst into flames.

Sunlight drenches a far range, 
cascades like a river deluging
into flats and hollows of the valley
like an ancient river bed below, gone gold
again, with autumn aspen.


 

You create quite a scene here Tracy.
Nice the way you weave the spirit world into the beautiful landscape.
Fantastic poem.

Thanks for the kind words, Colm.

Cheers.

T

'We are descended from a bush
who burst into flames.'
The 'who' (and the burning bush) seems to bring Christianity into play?
I also read it as the beginning of our solar system...the beginning of life. Or a different kind of DNA that
inorganic matter possesses...I prefer this one
Regardless, there's a respect for the process, an intelligent acceptance...a gentle trip through time.

'at the sky' in L3, for some reason this snags?
'Cliffs reach toward a ridge line at the sky.' You almost personify the cliff. So why not push it a bit more.

Cliffs, reach the ridge line
and hold the sky

Cliffs, reach the ridge line
that holds the sky

A small nit (for me) in a big poem.

Hi Colm, 
Thanks for coming back to this. 

The burning bush -- The voices in this valley proclaim lineage from the burning bush, almost defensively, as "why wouldn't we be spiritually infused?"  While the bush of the Bible is reported in Christian legend, it need not be so restricted.  As for example, the flood is a part of every primitive folk lore.  

Yes, I like your suggestion for S.1 -- the current language is indeed awkward.  

Thanks for the keen eye.

T




 

I'm hearing the the American Indian (Apache, maybe) lore of the origins of Mother Earth, Tracy. Agree whole-heartedly of the Creation story being similar in many cultures.

Also like the formatting (especially the italicization). You've added a new arsenal to your talents.

Enjoyed the scent of sage burning in the background as I was reading this.

Tim

Tracy Mitchell wrote: ↑

Sat Jan 04, 2020 1:06 pm

The burning bush -- The voices in this valley proclaim lineage from the burning bush, almost defensively, as "why wouldn't we be spiritually infused?"  

That's kinda what I meant
'Or a different kind of DNA that inorganic matter possesses.'

Thank you Tim.  Yes, San Miguel River is Apache country.  
The burning of sage - hardly a MN tradition, but I can imagine how that might assist this reading.
I appreciate the kind comments.

Cheers.

T

Hi Colm.

I see what you mean now.  Yes, I wouldn't use those words, but agree with the substance.

Cheers.

T

Hi Tracy
I am taken more by the sounds within the piece. The first stanza is dominated by f sounds and the second by all the s endings in the plurals. The plurals reinforce nicely the theme of origin and succession in the piece. Nevertheless, I felt the f sounds work better and the S sounds ome closing to overload. The last stanza foregoes such repetition of sound, which suits the theme but does contain two pieces of Alliteration that reinforce the ideas they carry. On the whole this is for me quite a typical piece for you combining observation of a real experience of a landscape and a deeper sense of spiritualism and history.
Very well written.