The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

We will remain of course. 

Take a deep breath, chances are
eventually, your lungs will warm
a famous atom. 

You'll breathe it out
slightly more excited, 
unaware and untainted.

We share the lives 
of despots and angels.

Rotting in graves, above
the wind moves them,
below
roots
shoot them back.

Above the soil
tendrils uncoil
a repetition. 

Interesting poem Colm. Will need a couple more reads to fathom it out. Will be back

...would be tempted to edit the excess modifiers (e.g. eventually, slightly, deep, famous, etc.) and let the poem determine.  All the description sounds like commentary to my ear. 

Love the "idea" of recycling and applying it to history.  I think that's very cool. 

I'm sure I would be able to remove some Tim, but most are necessary.

Take a breath, chances are
your lungs will warm
an (famous) atom.                             Without 'famous' I don't see the link to the rest of the poem; it's there as an assist.

You'll breathe it out
(slightly) more excited,                       The energy an atom receives from the heat in our lungs only slightly heats (excites) it. Omitting it implies  
unaware and untainted.                      a stronger reaction. There are so many atoms in a deep breath, and these gases obviously spread out over time...but
                                                          there's still a more than a good chance we'll inhale a few of Pol Pot's/Hitler's...nice thought eh?  
                                                         
Anywho, glad you liked the idea.

Dave wrote: ↑

Sat Jan 12, 2019 1:44 am

Interesting poem Colm. Will need a couple more reads to fathom it out. Will be back

Thanks Dave.
It's really just about recycling, e.g. we're still breathing the atoms that filled the lungs of all that went before us...good and bad.
Worms and plants pull the remains of them to the surface, to (eventually) be ingested by us. Everything is recycled...good and bad. 
The elements in our bodies were created in stars; but the atoms that made up Stalin's shits still propagate...in a nicer way 


 

I do like this. For me, it's all in the title. We do indeed remain. 

Each atom, a seed of possibility.
 

Granda wrote: ↑

Sun Jan 13, 2019 6:59 pm

Each atom, a seed of possibility.
 

For good and bad.
Glad you liked it B.

Like it, Colm.

recycling >> reconstituting - that's the way I read it.

S.1 L.1 - consider deleting, along with the first word of S.1 L.1.

S.3 L.1 - lives > matter -- just asking.

I like the idea that individual atoms matter as a function of what they constitute, this and eventually that.

A new sense of meaning in the universe.

T