The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

BONGGG . . .!
BONGGG . . .!
BONGGG . . .!

Like the death knell bell,
BONGGG! went the mell.

BONGGG!

His sinewy muscles
never bulge,
yet swing the hammer
he does.

BONGGG!

Fourteen be' Nine,
Fifteen be' Eleven,
Who can
even tell?

BONGGG!

The muscled man tires, his arms feel like lead.
All he wants is shift's end, then home, a meal and bed.

BONGGG!

Meanwhile he endures, till his marra spells him.
Sits on a chock,
gets another breath in.

BONGGG!

The Stage Loader goes, WEEE-OO WEEE-OO-WEE-OO,
slow and then
faster.

BONGGG!

RACKATA-RACKATA-RACKATA!
SHOOSH SHOOSH SHOOSH!
As the coal teems off the Panzer, under the Canch.

BONGGG!

After the hits,
the miner sits.
Muscle SPASMS, Deaths chasm. . .
beckons.

BONGGG!

The Wellie's finally
on the end of the leg.
It's lifted up, and
stretched overhead.
Eager hands grab it,
guide it into place. Four bolts are tightened, and another girder's placed at the mouth of the Coalface.

Don't be afraid members. Dig in. All comments welcome.

Sorry, Bri, not one for me.

The content is cool, but the structure is kind of all over the place. I don't understand the line breaks or the placement of rhymes. 

 

I knew this would cause problems Marc. I put the breaks in so you could maybe visualise the pendulum sweep of the mell as it arcs thru the air.
By the way, a mell is what you over the ponders call a sledgehammer.
When we set girders in the roadways that follow the coalfaces as they advanced, we supported the roof with an arch girder, with two legs underneath.
These were connected by plates of steel that had to be bolted together.
Sometimes to ease the pressure on the girders, thereby making the roof settle less quickly, wellies or leg extensions had to be hammered onto the leg-ends.
Hence the BONGGG sound.
And it was like the death bell knell. 

Hope that explains it a bit more.
But of course, if I'd worded it better, there'd be no reason to need the above. para. Ayy? 

Not working for me either B.
Fab subject matter...it deserves a more serious approach!
 

Thanks Colm. I'll ponder this one a bit more. 

I am the others. Experiment good but the result not so. Spelling out the sound invariably weakens a poem

Thanks for looking Dave.